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6 Bumps

My husband says that he loves me but is not in love with me

My husband who has been amazing for the last 18 years together and 12 years married told me 8 weeks ago that he does not love me the same. We started going to counseling and he said he does not want reconciliation and he is not in love with me does not want to be intimate with me and is not sure if he wants to be with me and he needs a break. After many times of PLEADING with him telling him I love him and want reconciliation and want our marriage and our boys 8 & 10 for us all to be a family and I'm willing to continue counseling work on our debt, work on the way I communicate he still says that he is not there. He says that he does not want a divorce but needs space from me. I told him that he can have the space and packed his bag and he left to go to his moms house. He calls and text's me about plans with the boys and asked that I tell our family that we both decided to separate. I'm still so in love with him!

Answer Question

Asked by mikilee7 at 7:40 PM on Dec. 27, 2012 in Relationships

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • Let him go
    Most likely he has already cheated on you
    Obviously he has lost love and respect for you,and you're better off without him

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 7:48 PM on Dec. 27, 2012

  • Personally, I think that's bullshit but I watched my BFF go through it and they are still together and seemingly more in love than before. It was bad. He moved out and she burnt her wedding dress ... she was PISSED. They continued to talk and eventually got counselling to work on their problems.

    Maybe it's not the end. With luck, it will be like my friend.

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 7:48 PM on Dec. 27, 2012

  • He's already left the relationship. At this point, the counseling is a good idea so you can deal with the dissolution of your marriage.

    Answer by feralxat at 7:50 PM on Dec. 27, 2012

  • Give him his freedom, he is no longer in love with you, why on earth would you want to be with someone who tells you he doesn't want to get intimate or be with you, he does not feel the same way about you as you feel about him, the relationship is over and YOU should call it quits! Relationships don't work when there is only one mate in love and the other is not.....face the fact and start from scratch but with someone else, keeping a family in this type of relationship is toxic for the kids. It is better to have two separate parents who are happy than two together parents who are unhappy....hugs.....

    Answer by older at 7:51 PM on Dec. 27, 2012

  • he wants you to tell family and friends that it is mutual??
    no, i would not say that we both decided to separate

    he is passing the buck and taking guilt off himself


    he is seeing another woman?
    sounds a bit like that


    Answer by fiatpax at 7:54 PM on Dec. 27, 2012

  • Do not let him do this to you. Either he wants you or doesn't want you. No in between.  This was not your idea. Do not tell your family this was mutually agreed upon.

    I so not beleive in seperations.  We work it out together under the same roof as husband and wife or we don't.  

    Go on with your life with out him.   Tell him you are through with his BS.  JMO


    Answer by louise2 at 7:57 PM on Dec. 27, 2012

  • He already left, don't beg for his love. I know it hurt but you deserve someone that really loves you no someone that do not want to try and repair the relationship and run away. Hugs

    Answer by Alisim at 8:33 PM on Dec. 27, 2012

  • Is he gay? Why else this change of heart after so many years? I think it is VERY selfish of him to not give you a legitimate reason. To break up a family because HE needs more space? I feel bad for your boys. I hope you can give them the support they need & I would turn to MY family (Mom & sister/brothers) for the support YOU need. God Bless :(


    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 9:07 PM on Dec. 27, 2012

  • Find things away from him that interest you.  You can't make him stay, so focus on expanding your own interests.  Counseling for yourself is a good idea.


    Answer by RyansMom001 at 9:08 PM on Dec. 27, 2012

  • Ok, give him his space. And you stop waiting on him. Go out with friends and enjoy life. He is. You begging and pleading with him might make him feel you need him. I don't know the details of your life, but find something you like to do. Me I join a pottery class. I take trips with friends and drop my kids off. I put my sexy clothes on an got right back into the swing of things. Your not old. To this day my ex is the best of friends.One day we might get back together, but for now I am haing fun. Cause I cried plenty of days till I just said the hell with it. Now you need to do the same and get a new life without him. So take care and wake up cause you are not dead yet..........

    Answer by peterpaul01 at 9:21 PM on Dec. 27, 2012

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