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Who would you ask for advice?

My husband cheated and we actually worked through it. 3+ years and we are doing great. I found some emails of him asking how to fix it, what he did and how bad he felt. He was talking to his high school girlfriend. She adviced him as a friend and told him he was wrong. Yet reading this HURTS. He no longer talks to her due to me asking him to lose contact with any EX... We have worked through a lot. Just bothered me to find this and read all this.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:12 PM on Dec. 27, 2012 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Sounds like there are some trust issues. Marriage takes work even in the best of circumstances. Keep working at it, but try not to be nagging about his ex's. Be the role model to him about what a trusting partner is supposed to be like. Be strong, be firm and be kind in the process.


    Answer by Ruthmom802 at 12:23 AM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • Dont blame you, you may still have some wounds from the first time when you read "her" advice.
    Keep your chin up and keep working at making it work

    Answer by madmueller at 11:16 PM on Dec. 27, 2012

  • She told him he was wrong AND this was YEARS back when it first happened. Honestly it sounds like you still have trust issues you need to work on in regards to the relationship.

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 11:17 PM on Dec. 27, 2012

  • I am with Kristi on this. You say you have worked through everthing and you are great but it soundslike you still don't trust him.

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:44 PM on Dec. 27, 2012

  • It seems to me that he did what he needed to do to move past things and that she wasn't trying anything fishy, either. It probably just brought back to the surface bad feelings. I have been through the same. You may want to mention to him that you saw them and it bothered you a little but that you know it shouldn't. He should be able to reassure you that he's in it for the long haul. GL.

    Answer by Kword at 11:40 PM on Dec. 27, 2012

  • Actually, I went through the same thing with my dh. He cheated early (within the first year) of our marriage and even left me for the girl. I decided to take him back and work it out. He went to his best male friend at the time. Even if he had gone to an ex, though, as long as she was talking to him as a friend, I don't think I would mind. It seems that the lady was just trying to help him through a rough patch.
    Sounds to me like you are still jealous. And it hurts you that he didn't tell you who he talked to during the time. Would it have changed how you feel if it hadn't been an ex, just an old female friend?

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 12:15 AM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • Okay, so first - when you find something out, it hurts in that moment, and it doesn't matter if it was right now or 10 years ago that the situation actually happened. It hurts now when you find out now. But - what you found is completely innocent, and according to you, before you asked him to cut all contact. So the fact that you allow it to hurt you tells me that you aren't as over everything that happened as you claim you are. This actually might be a good thing, ultimately. This is showing you that you still need to work on trusting him. Maybe you need to talk to a therapist, just a few times maybe, and work past the trust issues that remain.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:32 AM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • some people find others online just to talk to about their issues, if they try to talk to someone closer like you or any spouse, all it ends in is an arguement, nobody likes to bring up something they had done so long ago when its that personal so they go to someone that won't judge and trust. Not that he doesnt trust you, but think about how it would have ended if he brought it up to you, i think you wouldnt have any "friendly" advice for him. Sounds like he just needed a 2nd opinion

    Answer by lovekitchenmama at 10:18 AM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • I agree with others there seems to be issues of trust. Talk to him about it or get counseling. Good luck.

    Answer by booklover545 at 11:42 AM on Dec. 28, 2012