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A spinoff of my question about schools/hospitals asking about bio parents

Did they ever think about the fact that the kid might be adopted and they're asking about bio parents?!
How sad would it be when they're trying to cover all bases about who should be contacted and the parents get the awkward situation of trying to explain.
And what if the kid didn't even know he/she WAS adopted?!

My son's school based their question of whether the bio dad was coming to conferences, on the fact that he doesn't really resemble him,he resembles me more
Imagine the awkward silence that would have followed if my son was adopted and wasn't actually a biological child of either of us
Maybe when the forms are filled out they should just shut up and not ask if there are anymore parents or guardians that need to be contacted


Asked by butterflyblue19 at 8:34 AM on Dec. 28, 2012 in Relationships

Level 50 (383,297 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • That's terrible! You are So right. If they saw my Son & his Dad I think they wouldn't believe he was his Son. My DH is 100% dark Italian. My Son has the map of Ireland on his face! He has blue eyes & dark blonde hair with very fair skin. I think sometimes when you give someone too much authority it goes to their head & they get carried away. Hope this is all over for you soon.


    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 11:00 AM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • It's hard for them in a lot of cases. As parents we need to learn how to politely answer their questions because it's only going to be worse. As a grandparent who is currently raising 3 grandchildren from 2 different daughters I can fully understand their needs. Also my daughters were adopted. In our current situation none of the kids parents are allowed to pick them up from school and neither is half the grandparents.

    If a child is adopted then they really need to know they were adopted from the time they can understand it. Secrets come out when you least expect it. Do you honestly think that cousin Jim doesn't know that you never carried a baby for 9 months? When he gets mad at your child he blurts out the truth? It happens all the time. What happens if a birth parent comes to the school and tries to pick "their" child up? The school has to know.

    Schools, hospitals, dr, etc are just trying to get the best information

    Answer by baconbits at 10:45 AM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • I think the phrasing should maybe be different, but I can get the point. They need to cover their butts and make sure that they have a thorough list. If you had an ex that could be contacted in case of emergency or needed to be kept informed of school events, they don't want to end up with a pissed off parent in their offices. Or, for example, in my case, my ex couldn't pick my kids up from school. They needed to know that, and have copies of the paperwork that indicated that, so that if he showed up, they could prove that they were right to not release my kids to him.

    I understand your point, which is why I say the phrasing might need to be changed. But I get the ultimate point behind the questions, and I don't think it's wrong of them - on paperwork. They shouldn't be saying things like that at a conference with your child present, though.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:55 AM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • I don't think it's that big a deal really. I grew up in a time and place where it was unheard of for a child to have a different last name from their mother (my mom remarried after my dad passed away). I got questioned about it all the time when my mom would write notes for school. I learned to deal with it.

    Answer by missanc at 11:12 AM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • Well hopefully parents are involved enough to know teachers and staff. I know e erroneous in the office but I see your point about the parent who usually does not pick up the child. My ex husband would not be recognized. Plus as you mentioned our child is adopted but she looks alot like both of us. We did however, tell her she is adopted and she has known since she was a baby but didn't really understand it until she was around 8

    Answer by booklover545 at 11:28 AM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • The child could also be donor conceived (egg or sperm) and it is nobody's business.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:43 PM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • Wow, that teacher has alot of f--ing nerve! I would be pissed. You should report her to the principal.

    Answer by booklover545 at 8:42 PM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • We all have the same last name
    They were just rude. I and my son were sitting at the table,and my husband was getting some papers from a table. The teacher looked at all of us and asked if my son's dad was attending as well. I thought for a second she didn't see my husband and told her 'he's right there"(confused face). She said "oh,I thought he was the stepdad. He doesn't look like him at all"
    So what,if he didn't look like me you'd assume I was the stepmom?
    When my son was in the hospital on Xmas,the nurse asked if my husband was also my son's dad
    Why would anyone even ask this?
    What if the kid is adopted? What if we were his legal guardians?
    I get it. There's alot of divorce,alot of unmarried couples,but shouldn't this be a question the office(school) or the billing person(hospital) be asking?
    BOTH have all our info.
    What do we have to do,give a DNA sample at the door?

    Comment by butterflyblue19 (original poster) at 11:52 AM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • To jump to the conclusion that the man I have with me is my boyfriend,or someone else,or that I am failing to give all the required info to them is insulting. To assume I'm lying,and for what purpose?
    I guess I should Xerox my husband's driver's license,a paternity test, and our marriage license and carry it in my purse just in case.

    Comment by butterflyblue19 (original poster) at 11:57 AM on Dec. 28, 2012