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3 Bumps

The right of the outraged parent

Why is it anytime someone's child is wronged, whether it's something serious like bullying or something trivial like an undeserved bad grade, everyone is on track to say stand up for your child, advocate for your child, be outraged for your child, even if it's not appropriate for them to be. And yet, as soon as it's a MIL, an ex, or the ex-wife's mother, or the mother of anyone else that someone has hurt directly, they should be a complete martyr, forgive everyone and everything, and no longer be the advocate for their child? If someone hits your child, be angry, but if you hit someone else, their parent should get over it? If your SIL/DIL leaves your child, be angry on their behalf, but if you dump someone else, their parent should get over it?

Why do people think they're so special that no other parent is allowed to be upset over the harm caused to their own children? Why are they unable to see that just because they are an adult (allegedly), the other people they interact with are still someone else's child?

Answer Question

Asked by NotPanicking at 3:02 PM on Dec. 28, 2012 in General Parenting

Level 51 (421,174 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • You mean here on CM? Probably because this is the land of anonymous drama. And it's very self-selecting. I skip over a lot of those questions because I don't want to jump into the shark tank (unless I really think my opinion might make a difference.. or it just triggers my drama-bone).

    But here and in real life - do you think everyone always behaves the way that drama-queen mama-bear in their head wishes they would? Real life is way more boring that that.

    Answer by Sebbiemama at 3:14 PM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • Because at some point those kids do grow up and become adults, they then become responsible for fighting their own fights. Can you hurt for them or be upset for them, of course you can. Can you fight their fights and step in when it isn't your business, no.

    Answer by kmath at 3:17 PM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • I don't get the outrage either. I've expected my parents to be on my side during & since my divorce: it's called loyalty. And, I sure as hell, would do that for my kids.

    Answer by 3libras at 3:18 PM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • Because when you're in the wrong and you know it, you don't want people to stand up for themselves or their parents to stand up for their kids because it reminds you just how wrong you were. It makes it harder for you to play the victim when you're the cause of your own suffering and peole remind you of it.

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 3:20 PM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • Again, it's that entitlement thing coming though. Have you ever thought about how many times a day we act like spoiled brats even as an adult? We are right, if someone wrongs us, we get angry..... I do it.... everyone does. If I could overcome this, I'd be awesome!!!

    Answer by m-avi at 3:21 PM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • M-avi, you and me both. I will say that my child is my child until one of us dies and hopefully, I will tell him/her when they are wrong but I will support them against everyone else.

    Answer by Dardenella at 4:29 PM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • You mean here on CM?

    No, in general. I'm just constantly amazed at people who get the "how dare she" attitude about others (especially MIL's) when they'd say or do the EXACT same thing if it was their child/adult child instead.

    Comment by NotPanicking (original poster) at 4:37 PM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • NP

    I totally agree!! Thank you!!

    Answer by layh41407 at 5:02 PM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • Well, I think it depends on what we're talking about here. It's one thing for me to be outraged and get involved and stand up for my 9 or 11 yr old being bullied by someone, or somehow mistreated (in a way that goes beyond normal childhood "issues"), but it's entirely different for me to do that when my "kid" is 29 or 31. By then, he needs to be fighting his own battles. Yes, I can still hurt for him or be angry on his behalf, but it's not my place to get involved - even though I might desperately want to.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 5:56 PM on Dec. 28, 2012

  • I can still hurt for him or be angry on his behalf

    But some people think you're not allowed to. Apparently the minute your son (a generic son of any mother) gets involved with a woman, his mother is not entitled to any opinion or emotion that does not validate everything the woman wants to hear. Similarly you are not entitled to any emotion or opinion about anything that might negatively impact him or his children.

    Comment by NotPanicking (original poster) at 6:03 PM on Dec. 28, 2012

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