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Advice...touchy subject with 20 yr olds sex life

I have a 20 yr old junior in college. She is a only child and going to a private college in a medical field. We are paying 100% for her college and she is 100% dependent on us money wise. She has a boyfriend of 1 yr. Previous to this in high school she had the same bf for all 4 yrs. So I have dealt with birth control and sexual issues with her. She has tried various bc pills over the yrs and all give her side effects. She was considering a IUD 2 yrs ago and then broke up with her bf and was not going to be sexual active so didn't need any birth control. I actually know when she is having her period because she is sick the first day or two of every cycle. We are pretty close and talk every day when she is at college. So I do know she has missed a period which isn't entirely abnormal for her. I have no idea really what her sexual relationship is with her bf, but guessing from the pass and also finding a condom after his last visit to my home over the summer I can guess. So I am worried. I finally asked her and she said is sure she is not pregnant and I said how sure with her replying 80-90%. Well the tuition bill is due in 2 wks......$8,200 for 2nd semester and we are not wealthy people. I won't go into details but, if she were pregnant I see no way she could continue next yr  (senior year) and so what would be the point of paying out another $8200. My questions for someone to help me with is what would you do if you were me?

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:30 AM on Dec. 29, 2012 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (14)
  • Having a baby in your womb is not time consuming at all. She can do anything and everything she is currently doing now, and she has 9 months to do it. And to deprive a potential "single mother" of her education is probably the dumbest thing you could do!!

    You're putting a whole lot of time effort and unnecessary worry into a WHAT IF. Jump off that bridge when you come to it.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:00 PM on Dec. 29, 2012

  • If you did that, you would be in contact with your personal bottom line. You would know whether you are willing to pay for the current year she's in without having an assurance that she will be able to complete her senior year.
    If you're NOT willing to pay without assurance that she's not currently pregnant, then you can request confirmation.
    If you ARE willing with supporting her as planned & assumed, then you can move forward with paying. You also will be in touch with your own fears, worries & wishes, which you can communicate to her in the interest of being authentic & honest with your personal feedback, while also honoring her sovereignty. (i.e., not trying to control her, but sharing your concerns & your wishes in hopes of being heard & having an influence.)

    She could become pregnant this semester, even if she isn't at present. (You already would have paid...) Or she could be planning to terminate an unwanted pregnancy.

    Answer by girlwithC at 2:01 PM on Dec. 29, 2012

  • I am currently completing my BS in Electrical Engineering full time while working full time and I have a six year old in school and yes it is hard, but if she wants to finish her degree she will find a way. If she is pregnant look into other housing options many universities have apartments paid the same way the dorms are and they are year round where she could have her child with her and since she is in college she can look into government assistance to help with child care and living expenses while she finishes her degree. Have her take a pregnancy test to be sure but even if she is pregnant look into options to reduce her course load and other aid that is available.

    Answer by amandajoy21 at 4:58 PM on Jan. 1, 2013

  • I agree with having her take a test before you pay the bill.. I got pg after we paid for my school, and it was a waste because I was so sick! Good luck!

    Answer by 3boysmommaNY at 11:50 AM on Jan. 5, 2013

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