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Ugh! advice needed... (rant)

so i planned my 3 & 4 year old's double birthday party over 2 months ago in october. i invited my ex husband and his whole family because at the time things were going great, we were getting along, and he was going to pay $40 to help out with the costs. i also planned it on a certain day (today) because i knew his niece, my daughters' 5 year old cousin, would be in town also and i really wanted her to be there.

well its been a rocky road again since then, struggling to get along and everything. then he said he wasn't sure he'd have the money for the party. i eventually just stopped asking, at this point i just wanted my kids to have their dad at their party and my niece also.

they all came over for christmas and it was the first (and only) time they've seen their cousin since she's been in town for over 2 weeks. i keep trying to schedule playdates but they keep blowing me off so ive reached the point where i stopped asking. anyway when they came over, they said in front of all the kids that they would be here today for the party.

well today came and suddenly my ex got called into work and couldn't come. then, magically, sil also got called in an hour early and couldn't come. not that i believe either of them (i truly believe it was so they wouldn't have to fork over the forty bucks that i havent even been asking for anyway) but i asked ex MIL if she'd still be coming with their great grandma and cousin and she never got back to me, and then didn't even show up.

im just really hurt and angry that she blew off her own granddaughters' party. my ex said he'll come over tomorrow but im so pissed off that im thinking of being suddenly unavailable tomorrow, though i know that would be counterproductive for the children so ugh i just dont know! im tired of doing everything when its convenient for them and bending over backwards for them.

Answer Question

Asked by tnm786 at 8:29 PM on Dec. 29, 2012 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • btw, my 4 year old's actual birthday already passed (the reason they party was joint is because dd4's birthday is dec. 12 and dd2's birthday is jan 13) and none of them (not even dad) saw her on her actual birthday. so it's like here was a second chance to make it up to her and they blew it.

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 8:30 PM on Dec. 29, 2012

  • You already know that being petty would only hurt the kids, but I would stop trying to make your ex's family be involved in the kids lives. Put out the invites to family events and other things that dad should want to attend but don't force the issue and let the kids be surprised if he actually shows up. Trust me they know the difference between dad wanting to be there and dad being forced into being there. When they are teenagers and he realizes the mistakes he made he will regret it and I promise that neither kid will want anything to do with him.

    Answer by amandajoy21 at 8:34 PM on Dec. 29, 2012

  • I would stop trying to schedule anything around them or even invite them to things you have planned for the girls. They don't want to make the effort. Yeah, it sucks for the kids but it is better they get used to it now. I am sorry you have to deal with this crap. It sucks that the IL's don't want to be there for the kids.

    Answer by kmath at 8:38 PM on Dec. 29, 2012

  • oh its the last time ill ever include them in anything i do lol

    i guess the reason i feel i need to is because his visits have to be supervised, so i feel since his contact is limited that i should include him.

    but he doesnt want to be included clearly so im tired of it all.

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 8:40 PM on Dec. 29, 2012

  • Yep, he doesn't want to be included and that is his problem.

    Answer by kmath at 8:42 PM on Dec. 29, 2012

  • i feel since his contact is limited that i should include him.
    No, you don't.
    If he's going to be a twat, let him be a twat on somebody else's time. Not the kids :)

    Answer by feralxat at 8:46 PM on Dec. 29, 2012

  • Wow... that sucks. I really think the kids would be better off without any of them. Quit including them on anything to do with the kids. They will regret it later.

    Answer by m-avi at 9:00 PM on Dec. 29, 2012

  • I am very sad for your children. I am sure this hurt and disappointed them a lot.
    For a while at least I think I would just make my plans and not expect or invite him.
    If it is a time when he is to have a scheduled visit then be there and available and if not stop bending over backwards.
    I hope he will wake up and realize these are his kids and that they love him and that he loves them too.

    Answer by Dardenella at 9:27 PM on Dec. 29, 2012

  • Stop including your ex & his family.

    Answer by 3libras at 10:53 PM on Dec. 29, 2012

  • Maybe just mail the invites if they show great if not let it go.

    Answer by booklover545 at 1:09 AM on Dec. 30, 2012

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