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I'm ignoring my mother's phone calls

She wants me to bring her over bread and milk
The thing is she lives across the street from a convenience store. It is literally 150 feet away from her front door.
Why should we have to drive across town to bring her this stuff when she can go get it and be back in 10 min tops?!
We takes her grocery shopping. I tell her everytime,make sure you have enough stuff,but noooooo....
I told her,if you need a few things,most likely there's more stuff you need. We'll come get you and you can get your stuff.
No,she wants me to just get it and bring it to her
It's the epitome of laziness and it's royally pissing me off
The rest of my family has thrown up their hands in disgust from doing her bidding. They've passed her on to me and I'm not happy.
She's suppose to be getting exercise. All she does is sit on her ass and watch tv all day,and goes to the bathroom,and makes coffee and food a few times. Day in,day out she's in that apartment
She won't leave,we've tried to get her out
She's already on depression meds,so there's nothing else a doc can do.
She's only 68.
This isn't new behavior,she's always been this way.

 
butterflyblue19

Asked by butterflyblue19 at 3:30 PM on Dec. 30, 2012 in Relationships

Level 50 (383,253 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (23)
  • She is an adult and needs to take care of herself if she is physically capable of doing so. I understand depression, but at some point you do have to say "no" or else you're just enabling her to continue living the way she is.
    Ludvik_Smith

    Answer by Ludvik_Smith at 3:37 PM on Dec. 30, 2012

  • If her health is okay (meaning, she isn't going to drop dead if you don't go) then I wouldn't go. It sets a pattern.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 3:39 PM on Dec. 30, 2012

  • Maybe she just doesn't feel comfortable going on her own to go shopping.
    Maybe she is so depressed that venturing out in public is scary or incomfortable
    madmueller

    Answer by madmueller at 3:41 PM on Dec. 30, 2012

  • I would do anything for my mom. No one needs bread and milk that badly. Do you think she is just lonely?
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 3:51 PM on Dec. 30, 2012

  • Maybe she's not taking her medication? I like virginiamamas idea. But I'm not sure how much help I'd be prepared to give if she doesn't want to help herself if she physically capable of doing so.
    skinnyslokita

    Answer by skinnyslokita at 3:45 PM on Dec. 30, 2012

  • Butterfly, YOU need to go to her doctor without her, as the closest thing to a caregiver she has, and let the doc know in detail what's going on.

    It sounds like your mother may have a case of dementia. It may well be that she should not be in a place of her own but rather in assisted living.

    I understand the frustration... my MIL was like your mom and her kids all stopped talking to her. But she died in September and we learned after that she had dementia. It went untreated for years because no one saw anything but "nasty manipulative abusive woman." That's what she had been. Probably was actually mentally ill.

    You're not obligated to jump just because she says frog. But getting a thorough evaluation of her and maybe a placement in assisted living might make a differenc.e
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:04 PM on Dec. 30, 2012

  • The Mothers are so precious. Hurts to know they are hurting and not motivated to do anything to self improve.
    If it was my situation I would tell her I am coming over, and we are walking to the store, if she does not want to walk with me to the store, I am not going to get her anything from the store on my own.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 3:32 PM on Dec. 30, 2012

  • Maybe the doc needs to have another look at her meds because clearly they ar not working for her.
    I agree do not go. It soulnds as though you have all been catering to her all along and that is enabling her to maintain this lifestyle.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 3:34 PM on Dec. 30, 2012

  • When my mother became like this her doctor said she was depressed, referred us to a Psychiatrist that specialized in the elderly. His testings showed that she was not depressed and said alot of her changes were related to the aging process. No depression meds for her, just make sure she is comfortable, try to motive her, but do not force her to do anything and let her live as she wants.

    The mother did eventually start attending a senior center starting at 2 days/ week eventually going 5 days a week but nothing really could change her completely.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 3:48 PM on Dec. 30, 2012

  • Seems to me this mother is calling out for attention, why not give it to her, remember the atenttion she once gave you? I would humor her...remember she might not  be around much longer, we never know how much time we got left, go see her take the grandchildren...make it a family outing. Telling her no and all the other options will only depress her more, and even you, and it will not change a thing.

    older

    Answer by older at 3:59 PM on Dec. 30, 2012