Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Is it bad to want cut things off with a friend I have had fora LONG time because she is single again and acting it

She is driving me nuts since her divorce. It is like she is not the same person. I mean I am happy for her that she finally left that jerk but all of the sudden she is acting 18 rather than 34. She leaves her 3 kids with her parents all the time and goes out. She is lying to get food stamps so she can go out every weekend. She post pics of herself everyday like teenager. I dunno- I just feel like she is acting like a teenager and I am just well beyond that. We have been friends for 16 years but I just don't see how we can have anything in common anymore.... I thought this was going to be a phase or something- like a celebration of the start of a new life but it seems to be getting worse...

What do you think?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:24 AM on Jan. 1, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I would tell her the absolute truth and do it as kindly as I possibly could. Tell her you don't approve of her new lifestyle and that you can't participate in it. Tell her that her children should be her top priority and that she shouldn't be using her parents to do what is her job. Tell her she is acting like a teenager instead of a grown woman, and that is an indication to you that you and she can no longer relate to one another. You know her! So tell her in words that you know she can understand and be as direct as is necessary to make your points. Who knows? Maybe it will be enough to cause her to wake up and get back to the job at hand--which is being a mom to her children!

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:39 AM on Jan. 1, 2013

  • Have a talk with her like NannyB suggests and then see how it goes for awhile. And, no, it is not bad to cut off being friends if things don't change. GL

    Answer by silverthreads at 10:36 AM on Jan. 1, 2013

  • Some friendships aren't meant to last forever. If you have nothing in common, you have nothing in common. You can't force it.

    I would sit down with her and just be honest. You love her, you treasure your friendship, but the way she's acting right now is not something you need or want in your life. I wouldn't do any "it's me or the partying" ultimatums, but I would just tell her that this isn't the kind of lifestyle you can deal with, and therefore, if she's continuing it, you'll have to bow out of her life. Maybe let her know the door will always be open for her to come to you if she stops partying (if you want to leave that door open), but that you can't be friends with her as things are right now.

    Either she'll keep partying, or she'll realize that she shouldn't be living this way and she'll stop. Either way, you'll know you did what you could.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 10:43 AM on Jan. 1, 2013

  • Don't get rid of her as a frind. Maybe just step back from her. Don't call/contact her. Do not make an effert to see her.. Let her be single. Maybe she will get tired of it and go back to who she was.

    Answer by louise2 at 10:46 AM on Jan. 1, 2013

  • I know people who act like this too, they have kids but you couldn't tell it by their actions, going out to parties, getting drunk, laying out all hours of the night, drugs you name it, I cut them out a long time ago but still other family and friends want to complain about how they are acting , I say cut them out or stop complaining, their children will see the real them in years to come and resent them for always putting their high over them.

    Answer by momto4girzls at 11:01 AM on Jan. 1, 2013

  • I wonder how deep the friendship has been over the years.
    You say the ex was a jerk. Was he controlling?
    She is probablly pushing all the boundaries because she has been "released"
    You do not indicate that she neglects her children or that her parents are not delighted to have the grands come each weekend. At least for a while, what is the harm?
    The part that does concern me is that you feel she is doing something illegal to get food stamps. If that is the reality and you can not convince her that this is wrong, then you need to report her.

    Answer by Dardenella at 3:05 PM on Jan. 1, 2013

  • Let her know you're concerned and ask her upfront is this a phase or does she plan to stay this way? Let her know you're thrilled for her new independence but also concerned that the children may be missing out on her. I wouldn't say to end the friendship yet but see how it goes. She's in a different stage in her life now but unless you're watching her kids for her (I hope not), then it's really an issue between her and her parents. Don't enable this behavior by agreeing to do favors for her. She has to realize that she still has responsibilities as a mom.

    Answer by hellokittykat at 9:15 PM on Jan. 4, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.