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I think I am going to lose my mind....vent may be long

I have a child who is just not listening and just plain being lazy. I swear. I have told her to not use something today and I have caught her using it twice since she was told to put it away. She is already grounded from using her bike for a week for lying 6 times about the same thing before the truth was pulled out of her. She lied again yesterday about 8 times over the same thing she lied about the day before. I had her write 50 sentences for punishment reading "I will not lie about .....". I swear I am going to lose it and I really really don't want to spank, but I am getting really really close to doing it. I wish I had someone close enough to take them for a few hours, but our closest family is an 8 hour drive.

Just needed to get this off my chest. I think I need a time out, but what do I do with children that can't even play nice with each other today?

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Asked by coala at 12:28 PM on Jan. 3, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 28 (37,086 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • Maybe you all need to get out of the house? Go do something fun like see a movie or get lunch?

    Answer by Tesserae at 12:30 PM on Jan. 3, 2013

  • How old is she? If she's old enough to know better, I'd stop pushing for the truth when you know she's lying. If you know she's lying, just punish for the lie. Maybe give her one chance - she lied, you tell her once "Tell me the truth or X happens." and if she lies again, boom, done. The 6-8 times lying about the same thing - you're stressing yourself out more by pushing so hard. You just call her out on it. I do it to my son. I just tell him, "Look, I know you're lying to me. I know that this is what really happened, and I'm not going to listen to any more lies. Here's your punishment." If you catch her using something you told her not to, put it up where she can't get it.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 12:36 PM on Jan. 3, 2013

  • i agree Maybe give her one chance - she lied, you tell her once "Tell me the truth or X happens."
    punish more idk how old she is but heres a few that might work - time out - take away tv - make her do a bad chore (Scrub toilet) - take away toys

    Answer by futurebabykar at 12:40 PM on Jan. 3, 2013

  • I like the chores idea. Scrubbing toilets is good. Cleaning baseboards or scrubbing grout with a toothbrush is also good.

    I don't know what to suggest to stop the lying. That's one thing I absolutely can't stand. Mine get in bigger trouble for the lie than for the offense they lied about.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 12:43 PM on Jan. 3, 2013

  • When my oldest was in second grade they had a system of colors to monitor behavior in his class at school. He knew he would be in trouble if he messed around at school, so he lied to us for two weeks about his behavior. When I found out, I knew I had to make it horrible for him so he wouldn't lie again, (my nephew is a chronic liar and we were NOT going to have that in our house). I asked him what was the one thing he hated doing most of all. He told me that it was cleaning. So his punishment was to clean an hour for every lie he told. He had told 11 lies, so he had to do 11 hours of cleaning in the next week. Of course I had to stand over him and make him do it, but he has not lied again like that.
    It sucks... but you have to nip it in the bud right away, so it they don't think they can get away with it. I also agree with wendy. If you know it is a lie, do not play the game. Tell her you know it is a lie and punish right then

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 12:45 PM on Jan. 3, 2013

  • We have been dealing with the issue of lying for several months now. She is lying b/c she is embarrassed about what she has done. I don't care how embarrassed you get when I ask you tell me. She is almost 7. She has lost her brand new bike that she hadn't even had for a week. So, sad that I had to take it away. I then caught her sitting on her sisters bike and her response was, but it isn't my bike. I told her not to push her luck or I would add a week to her punishment. I am beyond frustrated. We have been telling her for months that if she just tells us what happened then she won't be in trouble, but if she lies she will be punished. The issue at hand is daytime accidents. We have used SO many different methods in dealing with this. There is no UTI and she can hold it ALL night long. She is an adopted child, but adopted from a family member so we had an idea of what were getting before she came to live with us.

    Comment by coala (original poster) at 12:51 PM on Jan. 3, 2013

  • Time to put them to work. Time to clean something.

    Answer by louise2 at 12:53 PM on Jan. 3, 2013

  • I have found something that is currently working for the "accidents", but when she does have one she has to be honest. Thanks for ALL the ideas ladies.

    Comment by coala (original poster) at 12:53 PM on Jan. 3, 2013

  • If my child continues to play with something after I've told them to put it away I TAKE it away and they have to earn it back. If she's supposed to be writing lines, then that's what she needs to be doing. You don't say how old she is, but is she won't do as she's told you can always make her do other, distasteful, things until she's ready to do as she's told.

    Our favorite right now is stand up-sit down. Child starts in a standing position. On command they are to sit down and cross their legs. On command they are then to stand back up. Repeat until they are more willing to follow directions. Alternates: have to cross their arms across their chest and not use their hands to stand up. Standing on tippy toes with hands straight up over head.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 12:54 PM on Jan. 3, 2013

  • You are punishing her for peeing her pants?

    I will tell you straight up that when I was a kid I sometimes had an incompetent bladder and would pee if I got excited or scared. I would lie about it because I was embarrassed. I wouldn't punish her for that.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 12:55 PM on Jan. 3, 2013

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