Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How can I put a fire under him to get another job?

I've been out of work since having our 1st DD 7 years ago. Since then, we've had 3 total. DD's in K, DS is ready for it but stays home me during the day. I help DD with her school work at night & hair in the morning. I'm the "primary care giver" of the kids, like feeding, hair, bathing, etc. He was working so I pretty much took care of all of there needs. He does grocery shop and do laundry there were weekend mornings when he'd make them breakfast. Now that he's unemployed he does give them breakfast more but the rest is still up to me. He's been unemployed for 4+ months and has only gone on like 3 interviews. He says that it's hard to look for a job and I would agree, kinda. I've gone online and have sent him atleast 20 different sources or company names that were hiring. He claims that majority of what I sent required him to register first. Yet he can spend a couple of hours a day trying to come up with winning lottery numbers. He even has a notebook that he keeps with the numbers written down that he thinks may hit. I ask how close "we" were and all I hear is not close enough. Now mind you he did play when he was working but now that we have even fewer funds and are relying on credit cards to pay bills I think the money could go for more important things. I've estimated that he's spent thousands playing and have won a lot less than that. But he's in the mind set that he can "figure out the pattern of winning number." I've offered to work at night stocking which will still allow me to get home in time to do DD hair in the morning and homework before going to work. He just has to become more involved in the rest and with DS during the day. But all I hear is that "I got this." We really need to make a move I don't want to have to borrow money from family and paying out of pocket for dr's is expensive, we need the insurance. I'm about to cancel their upcoming appts and he's not getting the urgency that I feel.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on Jan. 3, 2013 in Money & Work

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • If he won't get a job, and you know where you can get one, then go get one. Force him to up his involvement. If he gets pissy about it, then just tell him that as soon as he gets a job and is providing for the family again, you'll be happy to quit and resume your duties at home. Don't leave it up to him anymore. Make the decisions yourself and then force him to make the necessary changes to work with what you've done.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 12:40 PM on Jan. 3, 2013

  • I was in your position this time in 2010. I came right here and all the ladies pretty much said the same thing. STOP and LEAVE. Make him see the urgency.

    I really couldn't see myself leaving my husband but at the same time, what I was showing my babies was much worse. It is NOT okay.

    I sent my little ones to stay with family for a few weeks during the holiday break. My lights got turned off and so did everything else. He stomped around like a 2 year old. Angry at the world. Took him a good 3 days to admit he did not step up to the plate. I had a hand in that. I made it to easy. Filling out applications, scheduling his phone interviews, making sure he was up and ready for interviews. No maam.

    Make him step up. Let things fall where they may. Some people cannot see just how bad it is because there is always someone there trying to hold it all together.

    GL mama.

    Answer by 4xsthetrouble at 12:45 PM on Jan. 3, 2013

  • I agree with the first poster. Go get a job - even if you aren't making enough to cover all the expenses, that's that much less that will have to go on credit. If he can't get a job, he can at least take care of the kids.

    Answer by missanc at 12:48 PM on Jan. 3, 2013

  • I agree with the others that he needs to step up and you are enabling him, but the lottery stuff sounds like he has a gambling problem along with everything else. Go get a job and also get him some help or at least get him evaluated for a possible gambling problem.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:09 PM on Jan. 3, 2013

  • If he wont get a job. You go get one then. Let him be the SAHD.

    Answer by louise2 at 12:56 PM on Jan. 3, 2013

  • The harder you push, the less he's going to want to. Maybe you should look for a job for yourself instead.

    Answer by idareyou at 1:25 PM on Jan. 3, 2013

  • How are you surviving off of no income? Take him on a tour of a homeless shelter and ask him how he likes it, seeing as how that's where your family will be staying if he doesn't hurry it up. Or YOU get a job and let him do all the household stuff.

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 2:20 PM on Jan. 3, 2013

  • @maecntpntz219 I've seen the credit cards and know that he's using the cash advance feature to get cash. Which pisses me off because of the interest rates. I've tried the watch DS for a day while DD and I went out last summer,,, didn't work. I came home to find that DS had played video games all day and no lunch even though DH ate. DH figured he wasn't hungry since he didn't ask. Really guy he's 4 and you let him play the PS3 for 7+ hours straight while you cat napped in the same room.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:27 PM on Jan. 3, 2013

  • I would agree with all of the above...if he won't do it then you do it!!! Good Luck, my thoughts and prayers are with you!!!
    If you are interested in an opportunity, message me!!
    God Bless!!

    Answer by mkdirector2011 at 7:55 PM on Jan. 4, 2013

  • Go get a job. Tell him he has X amount of time to get a job. Good luck.

    Answer by booklover545 at 11:52 PM on Jan. 5, 2013

Next question in Money & Work
My job.

Next question overall (Beauty & Style)
Jamaican Black Castor Oil