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How do I tell my best friend I don't feel comfortable?

I am the maid of honor in my best friends wedding and the best man is one of my ex's while I was separated from my husband. My husband and I are together and will be for the wedding...I have also recently found out that I am pregnant, I feel very uncomfortable having to walk with him or doing the first dance with him...how do I tell my maid of honor? Is there any ideas that maybe could change this around a little that she may go for?!?!? I don't want to be rude about it but I just don't want any bad feelings coming along!!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:23 AM on Feb. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Why do you need to dance with him? Maybe I'm not that traditional, but I haven't heard that being any requirement of the maid of honor. Tell your friend you don't feel comfortable with it and see what she says. If for some silly reason she insists, just suck it up and do it. It's just a dance, it'll be over before you know it. Don't even make a big deal about it.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 12:27 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • I was in the same situation a few years ago. I sucked it up -- it was her day and I didn't want to ruin it. I also didn't have to dance with him...but if you do have to dance with him just let your friend know you don't feel comfortable with it.
    Aviators_Wife

    Answer by Aviators_Wife at 12:31 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • I don't think she should make you "suck it up". I think being your best friend she will understand if you have the courage to tell her. It may be her day but if it might hurt your marriage you have to do what's best for you and DH. I think you should sit down over lunch and explain things to her. Explain that it would make uncomfortable to walk/dance with him. If you can at least walk with him maybe she won't make you dance with him. Hope it works out for you. Let me know how it turns out and good luck!
    Momma2beauties

    Answer by Momma2beauties at 12:37 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • It's her day, why make it complicated and make it about you? If you don't want the responsibilities of being the Maid of Honor, then bow out "politely" NOW!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:46 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Uhhh.. If you were worried about it hurting your marriage, then maybe you shouldn't have cheated. (And yes, that is cheating.)
    Like other sensible posters, I think you should suck it up and get over yourself. You chose to sleep with this guy, and worse, you made it within your circle of friends. You knew there would come a time when something like this would happen, so put yourself on hold for just one day, and think about your friend.....
    Or, as the poster before me suggested, bow out as her MOH, because sorry, hon. This day isn't about YOU.
    Liyoness

    Answer by Liyoness at 4:28 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • I could see where this would be uncomfortable for you. Maybe you can suggest that you do all of the maid of honor duties since you are her best friend, but stand just as a brides maid at the actual wedding and have one of the current brides maids stand as her maid of honor on the actual day. That way she still has you up there with her, you still do all the "maid of honor" duties which is what I am sure she knew you would do for her and with her, and it keeps you away from that uncomfortable situation!! Good luck!
    BabyBeans0506

    Answer by BabyBeans0506 at 5:23 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • I agree that you need to either grin and bear it or bow out completely. It's about her and not acceptable for you to ask her to change things around. If you are the Matron of Honor, then I assume the best man is your escort and you can't expect them to change that because you feel uncomfortable.
    MommyAddie

    Answer by MommyAddie at 6:12 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Well you should talk to your bff and see if she has any suggestions. Perhaps instead of being the maid of honor you could play a different role in the wedding as I doubt that there would be a change in the best man department. If she's not willing to change things, you could suck it up or you could bow out. But if you're worried about your friends feelings, do explain to her what your reasons are. I don't agree that a bride has a right to be a bridezilla on her wedding day. It is not the one day out of her life she gets to be a totally inconsiderate human being.

    As to a pp's comment about cheating, I disagree. When separated there is no cheating. As to a pp's comment about making this mess, I disagree. Feelings and romances spring up among friends and close acquaintances all the time. The bride should have been made aware of this when she chose who was to be who and chose accordingly.
    isabellalecour

    Answer by isabellalecour at 10:49 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • If she's your best friend, she would know he's your ex right?? Why sould she match the two of you together in the first place. I would definitely talk to her about it (even though I think she should already know that would be uncomfortable!!)
    emilyschildcare

    Answer by emilyschildcare at 4:21 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

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