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2 Bumps

Can I put a stop to this before it goes to far?

Yesterday, I was sitting around and so where my kids. My dh, as usual was asleep. I heard my 10 year old son demand that my 5 year old daughter go get somethin for him. I was appalled and almost yelled at him, and then I realized that he is only mirroring what he sees on a daily basis. His father demands I do things for him all the time. I have told him about it, but he insists her is only asking and I don't have to do it if I don't want to. Every time I have choosen not to, he starts acting like a baby. So, how can I yell at my 10 year old for acting like that when that is what he sees daily? Is there anyway I can put a stop to this behviour, or is it to late?
-Ashley

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spiritguide_23

Asked by spiritguide_23 at 12:33 PM on Jan. 6, 2013 in Relationships

Level 23 (16,700 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Maybe you can point the behaviour out to your husband when your son is doing it.
    By 10 it is pretty well ingrained. LOL maybe you should turn the tables and demand he do something for you.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:37 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • You can speak to your son about this... and tell him the way his father chooses to "ask" is not appropriate (like a bad habit) and he is NOT to imitate a parents bad behavior. My DH swears too much when the kids are around, I would not tolerate that if my kids started to imitate that behavior... you don't have to tolerate a behavior even if your DH thinks it's ok.

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 12:43 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • I would stop doing things that my DH demanded, opting only to do favors if they are requested in a respectful manner.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 12:47 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • Stop getting things for your DH. He is a big boy. Tell him to get it himself.
    Go to your DH and tell him. "Don't as me to get you anything any more." Reason? It is rubbing off on our son.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:48 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • You don't have to yell at him. Just tell him calmly that's now how mature intelligent people ask someone else to do/get something. Requests are just that, requests not demands.
    And stop responding to your husband when he demands. Show your son that behavior doesn't work.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 12:52 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • Everything missanc said, and let your daughter know that she doesn't have to respond to a demand from her brother. If he asks nicely she may want to do something for him, but that should go both ways, she should be able to ask things of him as well.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 2:39 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • Model what you want. If your husband doesn't say please you DO NOT GET IT. Tell him ahead of time that this will be the new rule. The word PLEASE must go with every request, and the words THANK YOU must follow every delivery.

    If those things don't happen, no deliveries.

    A five year old can learn to do this. Is your husband smarter than a five year old? This is the test.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:49 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • You respectfully remind both of them of the correct way to ask someone to do something for you. You demonstrate it by calmly repeating their requests in a respectful and kind manner. You show Daddy the correct way in front of the son, and you show the son the correct way in front of Daddy. They will get it, if you don't scream and throw a fit at either of them. People form bad habits, but they can be broken. Bad habits don't always mean bad people; it just means they need to be taught a better way. If your hubby is going to act like a child, then you need to teach him a better way, too, but without being snarky or mean.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:24 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • Never too late, just don't do what you are told and he will quickly get the picture you are not the maid!
    older

    Answer by older at 7:50 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

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