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4 Bumps

How do you deal with a drama causing ex wife?

I'm a 32 year old Mom of three. I got remarried in 2012. My new husband has kids about the same age as mine & they get along great! Our problem is my husband's ex wife. Since I began dating my husband a year ago, she has made it her mission to be difficult, and hateful. My husband has custody of their oldest son. I'm very close to him since he lives here & is an awesome kid and that makes his mother mad. Their other kids are with us most of the time, too, because she doesn't want to be a parent. She won't even buy them clothes and food...but she has money for brand new iPhone 5. My step son wears the same clothes to school every day unless he stays with us. :( We let him stay the night when he asks, so we know he has a bath and goes to bed. Anyhow, the ex is constantly harassing my husband about me. Not long ago she said I'm not their step mother, and they aren't making better grades because of me... Um, okay? I do help them with their homework, and their behavior and grades have improved since I moved in last January. I thought that was a good thing? I'm not going to ignore her children or stop being proud of them because she doesn't like me. Their oldest said she questions him regularly about our life and even threatened to ground him if he didn't let her have his phone so she could spy on our Facebook pages. He also told us that she thinks its funny to argue because she thinks its going to cause us problems. He doesn't like to go to her house because he's tired of her harassing us. I didn't take my husband from her-they were divorced for years before I came around but she despises me. I honestly think she needs mental help. She recently offered to pay for pictures, & wanted my husband to pose with her and their kids. He told her no because they aren't a family. He said if he was in them, it'd be me & him and the kids and she got mad. I just don't know how to handle her outbursts and constant drama. We just want to concentrate on our marriage, & do the best for the kids and not have to deal with her antics. Any advice?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Jan. 6, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • Ignore her, she is sad and desperate. You can't change her, neither can your ex so don't let her become a wedge. Feel bad for the kids but let them see you taking the high ground. This has not escaped the attention of the oldest son, that is why he tells you what she does. He trusts you and knows your the better person. You've already won this war.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 4:11 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • She certainly sounds like she has issues. Perhaps she needs a new mate herself. Many woman can't face the reality of their marriage breaking up. The only thing I can think of is to ignore her bad behavior harassing you. I have no clue what the kids could do. Maybe dad could put the kids in counseling and extend it to family counseling including her but I doubt if she'd go. It might help the kids though. It can't be easy for them knowing their mother may have a mental issue. Many kids think they cause the irrational behavior of parents. The woman has been wounded but surely has had time to heal. Maybe she just likes wallowing in her own pain and wants everyone to hurt like she does. Good luck on this. I hate it when it affects children. Just remind them it's not their fault she's lashing out.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:30 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • I agree with louise2. There isn't a lot you can do, but ignore her. I know how rough it is while you're dealing with it, I've been there with some of this with my oldest son and my ex. The truth is you can't really control the other party, and nothing you do is going to change who she is. Just keep being a great mom and wife, and let her be the petty person she is. Deep breath mama, time goes by quickly, and the kids will be grown before you know it, she'll be pretty much out of your life.....I know.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 4:10 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • "I dont care how she feels, I'm going to do whatever I can to be there for those kids"

    And THAT is how you deal with the drama. You knew the answer already. That is what you do every day. Who gives a damn what she says or thinks or does, as long as she hurts no one?
    And if it does get into hurting... THEN you call the cops.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:25 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • It's always the other woman causing problems. I betcha she feels the same way about you. Sounds like you are jealous of her.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:33 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • Just keep doing what you're doing. Jealousy can be a horrible thing, and it sounds like she suffers fro it. Kudos to you for stepping up, and loving her children like they're you're own.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 4:46 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • OP- treat that ex exactly the way you should treat that ridiculous anon.... ignore them! Do exactly what you're doing, be a loving caring mother to the children...and forget about the drama queens.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 6:29 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • How in the hell do you even know the whole story? This Anon could be the other woman. I'm not buying it without hearing from the other mom.   

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:43 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • I think the only thing you can do is ignore her as much as posible. The part about the oldest SS phone. Get him to leave it at home with you guys. So she can't use it. Would make life easier. Isn't the oldest old enough to make a choise not to go over their. Thew the court.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:42 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • He made the decision to live here, but she still has her rights. He thought about leaving his phone, but he usually calls us before her weekend is up to come get him because she is being hateful. I'd hate for him to be stuck there with no way to call us. I don't know why she is obsessed with trying to spy on us- we dont post about her, anyway. Its actually creepy that she does that.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:04 PM on Jan. 6, 2013