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Serious question for moms with adult sons and grandchildren

I am a mom with only sons. They are all young now, but I worry that I will not be as close to them when they are adults as I am with my mom. My mom is my best friend and we talk all the time. In all the families I know the sons grow up and spend more time with their wife's family. I am afraid I won't have those special moments that a mom has with her daughter, ie, wedding planning, baby showers, birth of grandbabies.

Am I just being irrational? Is there anyone who has a good story of being close to your adult sons and being included in all of their special moments?

Please do not bash me, I am having a hard enough time with it already.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:18 PM on Jan. 6, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (12)
  • I have 2 adult sons but neither are married. I had the same fears so don't think you're alone.

    All my life I heard, A daughter is a daughter for all of your life
    A son is a son until he takes on a wife.

    My experience with them and their girlfriends are excellent. They do spend most Holidays with her family, which is okay with me. It's more important to me to have a great relationship with my boys and their SOs versus focusing on who's house they're at during the Holidays.
    If you and your sons are close now, you'll continue to be. As long as you keep lines of communication open and not play the guilt card on them.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 10:30 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • I have 3 adult sons, ages 21, 23 & 30. None are married yet, so that type of special occasion I haven't had, but we're still part of all of their lives. My oldest is in Baltimore right now, but he and his girlfriend plan to move here in the next year or two. My younger two were here with their girlfriends for the holidays. Sometimes they spend part of the holiday with the girlfriends family, sometimes not.

    I'm fine with sharing, and I do my best to let the girlfriends know that I enjoy having the female companionship, and appreciate them.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:12 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • Okay, my son is very little, but I can say that my husband and his brother have a very good relationship with their mom. They are not "best friends" with their mom, but then are both still momma's boys - love her tons and treat her well. Yes, both brothers have good relationships with their in-laws, but they are loyal to their blood first. Their sister however fights with their parents every now and then (the brothers are good at avoiding fights). And I don't talk to my mom at all, but I adore my MIL. So right there are two sets of adult kids who defy your experience. Just be the best mom you can be, and have faith in your kids.
    Sebbiemama

    Answer by Sebbiemama at 11:20 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • Anon, I'm glad if I could help at all.
    I've ALWAYS wanted a daughter but was blessed with two sons instead. Our sons girlfriends have become "daughters" to me and I couldn't be more proud in their choices for girlfriends.
    We're (girlfriends) and I are very close and honestly they spoil me with homemade cookies at work or a surprise visit with my favorite mocha.
    God blessed us with sons who in turn will bless us with wonderful daughter-in-laws!
    Our families get along great as well. Hugs! It'll turn out a ton better than you could ever imagine!
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 12:11 AM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • I totally understand your worry but don't. If you are a good Mom and always there for your son(s) they won't forget that or you. You sound so sweet & I am glad I am not the only one who worries or thinks ahead on certain things. It's tough being a Mom it's turned me into an emotional marshmellow & the powerful love we have for our kids can't be put into words. It will be fine. If you are a good person who won't push your sone away he will always have you included in future plans. My dh & his Mom are very close, Mama's lil' boy and the respect that is there is beautiful. It will be okay.
    : D
    sarasmommy777

    Answer by sarasmommy777 at 11:05 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • *sons
    sarasmommy777

    Answer by sarasmommy777 at 11:06 PM on Jan. 6, 2013



  • I am a mess about it. I have three boys and really want to try for a girl. Just one more baby and I would totally love another son if that is what we have. But I feel like if I don't try one last time I will regret it forever. My dh is worried about the cost of another baby, so I don't think we will have one, but I can't help worrying about it.

    Thanks for your kind words. I knew I could count on you guys. Actually, PMS and ohwrite are two of the moms I was hoping would answer. ♥
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:22 PM on Jan. 6, 2013

  • All I can tell you is I have 1 brother & 1 sister, and while we all live decently close and everything, my brother is mom's "favorite", she spends the most time with him, with his kids, talking to him, etc. He married into a crappy family so he does anything and everything in his power to keep close to his mommy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 AM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • I don't have sons, but I do have a stepson, and I hope to keep a close relationship with him. I just try to cherish the ones who mean the most to me, including my stepson, and I think that when you give love, then love comes back to you, sometimes in ways you never could have imagined.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:51 AM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • OP- I always knew I'd have 3 boys...I don't know why, I was actually afraid of having a daughter. My mom and I aren't as close as I'd like. She's actually much closer to my brother than to me. But, as I raised my boys I frequently heard an old saying. "A daughter is a daughter all of her life, a son is a son until he takes a wife." It scared me too.

    I also heard that boys went through a phase where they didn't hug or kiss their moms, etc. Mine never did. At one point in high school someone gave one of my sons a bad time about kissing his mom and he said something like, "seriously, dude if you're so immature that you're afraid to kiss your own mom, you need to grow up."

    People used to ask me if I didn't wish I'd had a daughter I used to tell them, "I have 3 sons, there are more girls at my house than yours." Even if they had daughters it was true!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 9:41 AM on Jan. 7, 2013

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