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2 Bumps

Marriage advice and advice on lazy husband

I am a mom with 2 kids working full time 36 hours a week, my husband stays home but due to him not really taking care of the kids we have 2 baby sitters and my daughter is in preschool full time. The only thing he doing right now is a certificate program for school but other then that he pretty much just plays on facebook, watches movies or sleeps all the time. when he does watch the kids which varies from a hour once in a while to sometimes a day a week while I work and he only has the 2 year old then I will find him watching movies while my son is running around getting in trouble. Also he does not get up when the kids get up he stays in bed for awhile and it becomes a safety issue with them running around with no supervision. I have come home sometimes on days with short shifts and he is still in bed (this was a day with no baby sitter) at around 9-10am. this has been going on for quite (years) awhile. He is also "religous" but does not go to church I am the one who takes the kids every week and also attend most of my daughters school/church events as she goes to private school. He has only made it to 1-2 events and he has no work schedule and I go to almost all her events and I work full time! Last year he told me about 10 times he was going to leave and again yesterday said that if I did not take off some religious day that he keeps off work he would leave me. So he does treaten me at times verbally not physically. He does not go on any outing with us I am the one who takes them to the park, beach and other places. Also I do most housework and we also have some housecleaning help since he does nothing really, I do most cooking, extra cleaning, laundry, baths, putting kids to bed and paying most bills etc. sometimes I think I should just leave if he does not but don't want to hurt the kids but really am tired of husband and he is not really a good example for kids either. So unsure what to do. Any advice1

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christy509

Asked by christy509 at 10:35 AM on Jan. 7, 2013 in Relationships

Level 3 (13 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Leave.
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 10:37 AM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • Whcih hurts the kids more, being in a bad relationship and setting that example for the kids on how a man "treats' a woman by looking at your relationship with your husband, or leaving and teaching the kids independence and that they are in control of their own lives
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 10:38 AM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • Have you talked to him about contributing to the household? Do you want this to work out? Would he be willing to go to counseling? It sounds like as the bread winner in the family you can afford to kick him out if that is what you want to do. If he isn't willing to be a part of the family and contribute and participate then I would get rid of him. He is sponging off of you and you are letting him.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 10:39 AM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • Next time he threatens to leave, pack his shit for him and shove his lazy ass out the door. No need for conversation, I'm sure this will get your point across.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:39 AM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • That is not my definition of a husband. He sounds more like a spoiled teenager who lives in your house and eats all your food and mooches off of you. WHY in the heck would you be paying BABYSITTERS when the father of your children is home 24/7?! You need to stand up for yourself and your children and get out of that toxic relationship...
    DreainCO

    Answer by DreainCO at 10:43 AM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • How do you afford a house cleaner, and babysitters if he doesn't work? I would say if it has been "years" you knew what you had before you had the children, I would suggest that he find employment or find another sugar momma!
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 10:46 AM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • Your doing all on your own anyhow. Leave, get the freedom you deserve. What example are your setting for you r kids - seeing their father like that?
    And you'd be happier not stressing about him being so lazy, having to care for him, along with the kids...
    I agree with DreainCO - he's a spoiled teenager not a husband.
    SassySue123

    Answer by SassySue123 at 10:48 AM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • Thanks guys you are all a big help, yes I need to leave or have him leave because he won't do counseling and I have talked to him about my concerns with the kids etc and him helping out more but it gets me no where. The kids are young now but even at that my daughter is already making comments about dad because he never really does anything with them. Reason we have babysitters I guess is he scares me at times with the way he watches or should I say does not watch the kids so I got help for now until I can figure things out.
    christy509

    Comment by christy509 (original poster) at 10:54 AM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • Since he is behaving like a spoiled school boy, I would start with taking away all his toys. Have the internet cut off, cancel your cable or whatever it is that he is able to watch for entertainment, wake him up every morning before you leave and make sure he is dressed and ready for the day. He has no motivation to change his habits as long as you are providing everything he needs or wants. I don't think you need to divorce him, but I do think you are going to have to make him depend upon himself and that might mean that he has to fend for himself for a while. The risk in doing that is that he very well may find some other woman who is all too willing to take care of him just to have herself a man. Whatever you decide to do, you for sure can't continue to allow him to have all the creature comforts and contribute nothing in return. It's time for him to man up!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:00 AM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • Sounds like with the babysitters and you bringing in the income, you don't have much of a use for him. He sort of made himself dispensable and the fact that he threatens to leave just says that he doesn't think you are providing enough for him. He needs a lesson in humility and your children need to see you stand up for yourself.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:00 AM on Jan. 7, 2013

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