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What do you make of this situation?

I had super migraine this weekend
on saturday, my mother says, "you can have one of my pain pills" (she had surgery and has left over pills)
i was considering it
then mother says "if you take one, who will put___ to bed? (my child)"
so i do not take and am in super pain for a few more hours
then she says "why not just take one of those pills"
i then take the pain pill
she says "what would you do without me"
i said " what would you have done after surgery without me"
she says "guess i would have had to stay in rehab for a few weeks"

is this passive agressive?
she offers pain pil, then makes it seem like i would be making her care for my child
then offers again, when i accept, she makes it seem like i could do nothing without her help

yes, she helps me out at times, but does she not see that family does not kind of thing, does she not see that one day of headache help might cover the weeks and weeks after a surgery or every day stuff i do for her that she is unable to do (she is in her 80's)

does she think offering pain releif only with condition of guilt is ok
i mean
here is a pain pill, ....oh, who will put __ down to bed"
is that passive aggressive?


Asked by Anonymous at 12:44 PM on Jan. 7, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (3)
  • She's just probably losing her mind a little like my Mom. They stopped thinking before they speak. My Mom's around the same age. Just ignore her. She probably won't even remember or deny that she said that to you anyway. I love my Mom to peices & she could just about handle anything is she wated to but sometimes it's like La La Land & its "oh, poor me".


    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 12:49 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • another example

    "mom i am makig soem lunch, are you hungry?"
    she says no
    after i am done and cleared up lunch
    she says to herself (at loud) " i guess i need to eat something, since i have not eated today"
    i say to her "i could have made you something"
    she says "there is nothing to eat, i will just eat some of these leftovers, i hope this old food is still good"
    i say "why not eat some new food" " we have __ or __ or __"
    she says " no i will just eat this old stuff and hope it is still ok to eat"

    ^ what the hell is that all about

    she seems to always have to be a victom??

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:47 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • the "old" food comment made me laugh inside

    the pill offer, then... the guilt ride, i could have done without
    i was surprised i was able to have a come back with "what would you have done without me after your surgery"
    she knew what she was saying, as she had answer right away

    a sister called the other day, mom wanted off phone, so she used " i need to get off phone, so i can feed __ and __ (me and my daughter)???
    what!, i got on phone with sister, she reamed me a new one for having mom HAVE to make us dinner. it is not that way and i spoke to mom after- saying please do not use me as an excuse, i got an earful from sister. my mom said " I will say anything i want"
    thanks mom

    this sister mentioned taking over for me in a year...good luck sis!!
    when that happens, i will sit back and enjoy, siblings have no idea how mom is in her 80's, as long as i have everything taken care of, they are fine with it


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:56 PM on Jan. 7, 2013