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2 Bumps

DH and inappropriate sexual behavior around my 6 yr old. Insight please

DH and I are seperating, probably divorcing in the end. I have had too many problems in this relationship that I now know cannot be fixed. DH has a family history of mental is bipolar, dad is schizophrenic, twin brothers are severly mentally disabled, grandmother also mental issues but do not know what kind, just know she killed herself. Needless to say, DH has shown strong signs of Aspergers and some kind of mental disability. He was never diagnosed because he didnt want anyone to know. Well he has admitted that he is different and needs help from a therapist. He has endangered my daughter countless times due to lack of "common sense". He acts VERY immature for his age. He cannot handle everyday responsibilities and has admitted that being single is easier for him because he doesnt have "things he has to do like take out the trash, mow the lawn, repair stuff, etc." . Long story short, we have been married 6 months and I honestly did not know how bad it really would be. My daughter is his stepdaughter and he just doesnt know how to be a parent with her. He is her "playmate" as she puts it. Because they play like little kids all the time. I caught him trying to lick her because he was pretending to be a dog. Things are just really surfacing and it disturbs me badly. The other night he got into this sort of manic episode and was chasing me around the house trying to get an internet motem out of my hands. I unplugged it because he was ignoring my daughter and he was getting obssessed with his online video games again. He has a long history of playing for 10 hours straight and not showering and taking care of himself. Well I refuse to let him do that to our daughter. So I got fed up and took the motem. Well he was chasing me and then my pants started falling down (they are my workout pants that are too big) and he starts screaming in front on my 6 yr old "your naked!! your naked!! omg!!!". I just thought it was weird and immature. Then I said "well let me pull my pants on better, stop grabbing me!". Then he said "I'm naked too!!" and I said "no youre not, get out of the room while I fix my pants" . I said that so my 6 yr old would know that guys shouldnt see us naked. But he didnt pick up on that cue and he just started acting so innapropriate. He then said "well im taking my clothes off too!!!". I just looked him in the eyes and said "why are you saying these things? She is standing right behind you, stop now". And he just kept trying to grab the motem. I just get very creeped out by all this. Also last week when we were at a hotel for New Years, I had texted him that we were almost ready to go to dinner. He was letting the dog out. So I said something like "I just got out of the shower, I'm all wet, can you hand me a towel from the room when you get here?". Well he wanted to make a sexual reference out of me saying that I was wet. Normally that is ok, but he mentioned our daughter in it which is completely wrong and disturbing. He said "ooh go Emily(dd), I knew you were a naughty little girl". I just told him to never use her name in any sexual reference again. Instead of saying sorry or anything, he just acted like I'm trying to make him look like a bad guy. I told him that he does that to himself. So now I honestly worry about him being alone with her. He even starts to undress in front of her and I have to remind him that she is right there. I have already moved out of the house and just dont know what to do now. We have a baby on the way and I am so scared of letting him in his life:( I just need some kind of advice on where to go from here. Thanks


Asked by Anonymous at 4:38 PM on Jan. 7, 2013 in Health

This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • It's not always easy to identify when someone has a mental illness, or unstable. Perpetrators can mask their behaviours very well for long periods of time and you may never catch that there's a problem. My second husband ended up molesting my 14 year old daughter, but made it seem like we had the perfect marriage all at the same time. He manipulated my daughter into believing that if she told me or anyone else, that he would kill all of us, so she didn't tell anyone. When he started showing signs of doing the same things to her younger sister and brother, she finally told to protect them. My advice is to get away from this man, seek counselling for yourself to learn what a healthy relationship should be, and under no circumstances should you ever leave your daughter alone with this man. He needs to get into therapy for himself, figure out what his condition/issues are, and you are right, he isn't being appropriate.

    Answer by Sierrarose99 at 10:07 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • I would be running like hell with my DD. Why the fuck did you marry him??? He didn't all of a sudden start acting like this after marriage.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 4:52 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • Yep,there were NO indications before........

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 5:01 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • OK, I'll say it.

    YOU have issues too, apparently. Really? You ran around with a modem because he wasn't paying attention to YOUR daughter (not his, yours, so please stop saying "our")

    How about you just leave him alone and not make a big issue out of it in front of the child. No shit he acts like a nut! you do too!! You shouldn't do that to someone in front of your child either!!!

    I suggest you BOTH take some parenting classes before this child is born because you apparently don't know how to treat people either!

    Answer by layh41407 at 5:29 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • Ummmm....

    Answer by amazinggrace83 at 4:43 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • Was this an arranged marriage? WTH.

    Answer by SWasson at 5:02 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • OK, so you married a man you didn't know. Ask yourself WHY.

    Peole who suffer from Asperger's syndrome are not this spaced out. They are generally pretty ordinary. Ask yourself why you married a man you didn't know. Ask yourself why you're surprised that he behaves like he does. Ask yourself if you were really so desperate for a man that you married this person and exposed your child to him. OK .... STOP

    I've realized what I should have realized when I read your first post - hey,buddy, I won't be feeding you any more. Go get your sick kicks elsewhere.

    Answer by winterglow at 5:03 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • run
    when going through divorce, get your lawyer to insist on a psych eval for both of you
    you will pass
    and he...just might not

    his actions are huge red flags
    if he does this in front of you
    what is he doing when you are not around

    again- get your lawyer to have psych evals as part of child custody

    *did not see your first question- others have made comments- i do not know more than what i read in this one

    Answer by fiatpax at 5:10 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • These words upset me... he has a long history of............
    He has a family history of......................................

    But you did it any way.
    You also took no precations so you would not get pregnant.
    And now you want some one else to fix it?

    Seriously I do not undestand this kind of irresposibility especially when you already have a child to think of.

    See a lawyer. Maybe you can get the marriage disolved but he is still the sperm donor and unless you can prove otherwise your unborn child will take the hit until he does something that truly harms it.

    Certainly get out of a situation you shouldnever have put yourself or your daughter in.

    Answer by Dardenella at 5:15 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • By the way, this was kind of hard to read. Please use paragraphs

    Answer by layh41407 at 5:29 PM on Jan. 7, 2013