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2 Bumps

Reaccuring feelings that everyone hates me...just need advice

going Anonymous on this due to mental health related issues that I don't really want spread around the site.
Lately I have just been feeling that no one likes me anymore, my friends seem (at least to me) like they are pulling away and distancing themselves. Sandy and I used to talk all the time, share everything, message each other at least once a day, but now it's like she is ignoring me. I mean, when I see her in chat she says hi but that's it. I sent her a message on FB three days ago and she never responded. When I go into the chat room it seems like everyone suddenly stops talking, and when I post something no one answers.
I know that I have been kind of depressed lately so I haven't been my normal cheerful self, I have been having trouble with my son who is ADHA. I'm usually the one in chat that others come to when they have problems, I sit there and listen to everyone complain about their issues, talk about how depressed they are, how pissed they are at their BF/hubby etc...and I try to comfort them and be a good friend. I always want to please people, but the one time I need help, that I am down, stressed and can't be "little mary sunshine" they all turn their backs on me! No one wants to hear my problems and when I suddenly can't handle their issues right now, well I'm no good for them anymore. Sometimes I know that my mind creates issues that aren't really true, I have abandonment issues and I do recognize that. like when someone says they are going to call me and they don't I may freak out and assume its cause they hate me when maybe they forgot...unfortunately the last three times this has happened with Sandy and she claims she got busy. So I was like, well if your that busy that you can't remember to call me when I'm sitting here waiting because you said that you would call at 8pm, then I guess I am too busy to meet you for lunch tomorrow, sorry. Find someone else to pay for your meal. So in a way I don't think I am imagining her using me and then ignoring me when my company doesn't suit her needs. I think that I am just so desperate to have friends and feel accepted that I take anyone's crap. All I actually want is just someone to actually like me and want to be around me and treat me like a person, half the time I just feel invisible. Do you think I'm over reacting or does it sound like its time to cut my losses and move on?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:44 PM on Jan. 7, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • What you're feeling is actually quite common and somewhat due to the electronic age breaking down real communication. What you hope for is also natural. Everyone wants to feel that they belong and aren't just being used. But think about it this way. It wouldn't be worth the trouble if it came that easily. If you could pick up a new friend at Walmart, do you think that people would even care to be good friends anymore? That's how you can tell the good from the bad, because the good actually reciprocate and put in the effort. I've been through this issue myself and you have to recognize who the fair-weather people are and separate them from real friends. Then, prioritize your time with real friends. Fair weather people will always be around to prey on you when things are good or when they need something. Listen to your intuition and if they don't ever call you or make you feel uncomfortable or pressure you, they're selfish.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 7:00 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • I agree with having a pet, the more I know people the more I love my dog....you are trying to hard and putting too much emphasis on what they think of you, you need to first love/like yourself before expecting others to do so....
    older

    Answer by older at 7:03 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • time to move on and meet new people
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 6:48 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • You yourself said you hae abandonment issues. Have you ever gone to counseling for these issues? If not this may be a good time to start. Aside from that you need to find a friend that isn't a mooch. It may be hard as they are likely to have their own schedules as well and cannot get together all the time but try to arrange something, even as simple as grabbing a cup of coffee, every couple of weeks or even once a week if need be.
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 6:56 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • It's hard to really know what's going on with Sandy if you pay her way all the time. You feel used, maybe she feels bought. Perhaps if you do go somewhere with Sandy do something free like window shopping, or a free local event, so the money aspect is out of it.

    I think meeting new real people is a good idea.

    tessiedawg

    Answer by tessiedawg at 6:59 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • I don't know that we can help you anymore than a therapist could..... I think you should get out and mingle more though... Play bingo, volunteer, etc... Do you have a pet? They do wonders for depression!!!
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 6:59 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • Do you ever get out of the house and mingle with real people?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:46 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • "Sandy is really the only friend I have and I have to pay for her meal to get her to go out with me. She never has any money for anything,"

    That's not a friendship. That's taking advantage of you.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:29 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • You sound like one of my dearest friends. when we met I didn't like her because she tried so hard to be what she thought I wanted her to be. I can't stand that, but while working with her I noticed something about her when she wasn't trying. I invited her to my home and talked to her. I made her cry(i still feel bad about it) I told her she has a great heart, but she needed to look in a mirror and love herself. we view things differently. she is christian I pegan, she likes different things than me but I trust her we talk a lot and she is working on knowing and loving who she is. THat I can handle. so you need to be what you need if your friends can't take that they are not friends. Love yourself. I wish you much luck with this. And I can always use a friend if you need to talk for what ever reason send me a message I won't judge you if you don't judge me.
    PrettyLady80253

    Answer by PrettyLady80253 at 2:39 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • Yes, I go out to lunch with my friend once a week, I visit my mom. I have joined a support group and see a therapist every 2 weeks. Usually if I go to the movies I go alone though. Sandy is really the only friend I have and I have to pay for her meal to get her to go out with me. She never has any money for anything, I've paid her way into the movie before and things like that. I just wanted to get out and have fun with someone and not be alone but if I cant pay for her then she wont go.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:49 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

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