Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Why are biological parents praised for placing child up for adoption, but for unforeseeable circumstances the adoptive parents replace child for adoption, they are very badly frowned upon?

Why are biological parents praised for placing child up for adoption, but for unforeseeable circumstances the adoptive parents replace child up for adoption, they are very badly frowned upon?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:45 PM on Jan. 7, 2013 in Adoption

Answers (22)
  • I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I know I have seen this question before. Perhaps you should check our lovely Encyclopedia section on the tab above.


    Answer by Anonymous at 7:50 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • Because usually bio parents place an unplanned child up for adoption. Adoptive parents have made a choice to have a child, planned for a child. To give a child back simply because it isn't what you thought it would be is heartless. It's doing what's best for YOU, not what is best for baby (which is generally what bio parents do when placing a child)

    Answer by missanc at 7:50 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • can of worms


    Answer by KristiS11384 at 7:54 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • Please define "the adoptive parents replace child for adoption"??

    Answer by Crafty26 at 7:55 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • not the same thing.

    biological parents are praised for not having the abortion and instead giving the baby to someone who wants a child. That someone is now the baby's new forever home.

    Answer by staciandababy at 8:34 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • it really depends on the situation, I have seen parents ready to adopt have a life changing event making it Not the time to bring a child into thier lives, I am actually a product of that same situation.

    except, we were taken from our bios due to their inability to care for us bounced around then supposedy at our forever home but a family member murdered her entre household and the man (to be mydad) needed to focus on his grief- so we went back to foster care and were adopted shortly there after by my parents. We understand the reason and are very close to the first should have been adoptive family.

    I think that if you take on a child through adoption you are saying okay I know there can be problems and I CAN and WILL take this child into myhome and heart forever. Its not a pregnancy that was not wanted or unexpected its an ADOPTION which is planned for and supposedly wanted.

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 8:52 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • I try not to judge. But to me the difference is that a bio parent who gives their child up for adoption is doing what they think is best for the child, and 9 times out of 10, are making the best of an unexpected, unplanned situation. An adoptive parent, however, has (or should have) planned for this child, and been prepared for the responsibility they were taking on. The fact that it isn't the dream they picture - that's too bad, but it's not reason to give the kid back. Now, of course, there are some situations, like what luv described, that I could understand. But cases where they discover the kid has mental issues, or it just isn't quite what you pictured - those are the situations where you truly become a parent. You suck it up, get help where needed, and power through - just like any other parent would, bio or not.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 9:42 PM on Jan. 7, 2013

  • They actually aren't as rare as you might think. There are different organizations that help families that have adopted and for different reasons choose to re-place a child up for adoption, most are International adoptions and adoptions of medically complex children. There are numerous reasons the Adoptive Parents list, new health issues come out with child, RAD, not getting along with other children in the home, unexpected pregnancy, serious health issues comes up with Adoptive Parents, these are just a few of the reasons I have seen listed. When we were in the process of possibly adopting, we looked thru these listings online every week.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:16 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • Also, why is it different for a Biological Parent to give up child because of unexpected pregnancy but different when Adoptive Parent give up Adopted Child because of unexpected issues? Why shouldn't every parent have to suck it up and deal with the choices we make, either to have sex and risk pregnancy or adopt and risk new issues to come up?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:20 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • I know of a family that adopted and then in order for their adopted child to get the care that he needed had to place him back in the system. They did not want to but that is the only way that he could get the expensive treatment (pysch help) that he needed. When a child is adopted they may be to young and not really understand all the abuse that happened to them but as they get older this comes out in aggression/anger/etc. The aboptive parents are prepared to deal with it but many times it's intensive treatment that the child needs and the parent is unable to pay for it.

    Children for adoption many times are not given up by their birth parent but instead taken away. Those that do sign away their rights are in many cases doing what is best for the child because the child is unwanted. THat is why they are praised. This is not true in all cases!

    Answer by baconbits at 10:56 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.