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How can I get DH to see that he can trust me?

Since I began dating my now husband, I've noticed that he is very uncomfortable about me going places without him. At first I thought it was cute, and because it was a new relationship. He told me that his ex wife cheated repeatedly when she went out with friends, at work and other times. (He found concrete evidence) I love spending time with him, but some times I'd like to go do my own thing with my cousin, or have girls night out. When I have left the house and met a male friend of mine, I thought it was all fine. I'd had that friend for years and normally my DH was invited. This one time DH's kids were here, so I went alone. He whined a little bit, but I thought he was joking. Then about 45 minutes after I left he showed up at the restaurant. He got a sitter so he could come. Another time he showed up at my Mom's friends house unannounced. I'm not doing anything wrong, but I feel like he doesn't trust me. Or maybe he is very protective of me? I was a victim of attempted acquaintance rape that he blames himself for because we had argued the night it happened, I needed a breather, went to see a friend, and that friend drugged me. Anyhow, I dont put myself in bad situations, but he is kind of hurting my feelings, like he thinks I'm going to cheat. Now I just got a job, and there are men there. I'm worried that he will come sit at my job! He wouldn't even let me go alone to look for jobs! I dont go anywhere alone these days- I havent driven in 8 months. I have never done him wrong and would never. How can I get him to relax and trust that I'm not going to mess up our marriage?

 
MrsDAJ720

Asked by MrsDAJ720 at 12:09 AM on Jan. 8, 2013 in Relationships

Level 7 (181 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Have you tried talking about this to him? He may not realize it, it maybe because of the rape incident. Try talking to him about it. Watch his reaction. It may be a control issue, watch his body language as much as hearing his words. control is abuse as much as being hit and no one deserves that. And as anyone is a relationship a person has to go up against the past but the only way to Build trust is to have the chance to earn it as PartyGalAnne stated.
    PrettyLady80253

    Answer by PrettyLady80253 at 1:01 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • He wouldn't even let me go alone to look for jobs!

    That isn't a lack of trust. That's controlling, isolationist behavior, which is a form of abuse.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 12:18 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • You knew this before you married him. Get out or stay and know that he is going to control your every move.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:33 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • That is NEVER "new relationship cuteness." NEVER. Cuteness is bringing flowers or stuffed animals to your work and then leaving. It is NOT the behavior you described... that's dangerous.

    Sorry, HE has already messed the marriage up. Counseling for both of you. Make it a condition of the marriage continuing. If he refuses, then GET OUT.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:34 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • Tell him he has not given you a chance to BUILD trust! Of course he trusts you if you're connected at the hip 24/7, he needs to allow you to prove that you can EARN it.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:55 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • i think you guys need counseling. especially him. this is not normal over protective stuff. this is controlling, untrusting and is not healthy in any way. if he wont get counseling get out.
    MooNFaeRie30

    Answer by MooNFaeRie30 at 6:03 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • Actually I didn't know it was that bad before I married him...I thought it was new relationship cuteness that he wanted to spend so much time with me.
    MrsDAJ720

    Comment by MrsDAJ720 (original poster) at 12:45 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • You know now it wasn't a new relationship thing. Time ti nip it in the bud. Tell him how you feel about him hovering all the time. Never letting you go anywhere alone. And that is has to stop.


    If you can't get him to stop. You might need to end the relationship.  This kind of stuff will get worse.  Does he work?

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:55 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • What happened in the "acquantance rape"? Did the attacker get convicted?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:11 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • I agree with the others. This is a major red flag for Domestic Violence. If he refuses to get counseling - get out. He probably is making up that cheating stuff about the ex wife
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 10:23 AM on Jan. 8, 2013