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5 Bumps

DH's ex wants him to get rid of me?!

...and he said the other day in a fit of rage that if I was coming between him and his kids I'd have to go. What in the actual f@ck?! We've been together for a year and I've dealt with his constant mood swings and horrible, violent temper. He's said numerous times after a meltdown that he was sorry, and that he needs mental help. Yes, I've stayed. His meltdowns have all occurred after arguing with his ex wife. When she gets mad, she will not let their kids come over for more than the court appointed every other weekend. When she's calm, they are here almost every day. Last week she went off griping about our "perfect marriage" & his "perfect wife" and decided that he couldnt see them all last week. She claims I'm trying to take her kids, but I've bent over backward to not step on her toes, as I was told by my MIL that she is unstable. So he flips out on me for I dont even know what! He was like a different, horrible person. I was in a choke hold. He has since apologized profusely and said it wasnt my fault, he didnt mean what he said. But why in the crap would he entertain the idea of divorcing me so he didnt have to argue with his ex? Is it the mental instability? Or is he waiting back with her? I'm freakin out here...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:34 AM on Jan. 8, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (26)
  • As the one who has kids with an ex. Things are difficult. I have been with my guy for almost 7yr dealing with shared custody. It has taken most of that to get the ex and the current to see that the kids aren't chess pawns and that is what it sounds like she is doing. my ex and I's problems are just that ours it should never effect the kids. If he is taking the situation out on you, you really should sit down and talk. (with some one there to from the sound of it.) It sounds as though his relationship with his ex (they have to have one there are kids) effects yours harshly. I know it should for the welfare of the kids but not that way. I understand his frustration but it should not be taken out on you, not like that maybe griping about it venting but not directly. It isn't healthy for you or the kids. maybe you should try telling her that they are her kids, but you are part of their lives to and care about them
    PrettyLady80253

    Answer by PrettyLady80253 at 12:46 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • and horrible, violent temper.
    I was in a choke hold.

    and you're more concerned with whether or not he prefers the Ex-?
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 12:39 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • GET OUT OF THERE. Do it NOW. HE PUT YOU IN A CHOKE HOLD!

    Only HE can get the mental help he needs. You LEAVE. Otherwise he may end up pleading not guilty by reason of insanity to your murder.

    Out. NOW. And yes, counseling for you.

    You cannot save him. He has to do that himself.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:31 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • Violence is not a mental problem. It's a violence problem.
    Get the fuck out of there.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:59 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • Missed the choke hold I guess I read most but not all.
    Nope this is violence and he threatened your life by putting you in a choke hold.
    It is time to move on and I do not say that lightly. I do think you would benefit from a little counseling to help you through this.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:02 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • The kids should not be around him more with that temper and it should be documented and his custody rights removed while he gets professional help.

    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 1:31 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • He and you definitely need counseling. He needs is for anger issue and you both need it for comunication.
    He is allowing himself to be manipulated by her and she is more than happy to pull the chain. He needs the skills not to allow her to make him jump.
    Certainly sh needs counseling as well but there is nothing you can do about that.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:41 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • Devil's advocate first: she doesn't have to let her ex see them more than the ordered visitation. My ex only has my kids when it's his scheduled time. So, really that is her being nice & not something that should be a given.

    Having said that, honestly I think it's best for you to stay out of your DH's & his Ex's fights. And, it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 12:44 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    maecntpntz219

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 1:41 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

  • Get out before you become another awful news headline about what someone should have seen coming.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:35 AM on Jan. 8, 2013

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