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3 Bumps

I Want some advice pleease! /army relationship

Hi! I am new on this site so this is only my second time writing a post. Back in April 2012 I met a very nice handsome man in the US Army who at the time was stationed for 6mos. where I live. We clicked and I hung out with him the whole time. I learned alot about him and he has infleunced me a ton! We talked alot about school and life. As the time got closer to his departure in Oct. it sunk in that this was serious/odd situation for me. Is our time done or will we be friends still? We talked about it and it was basically said we wanted to continue our friendship..but as far as a relationship he cant give it right now. Which is totally cool with me considering I recently before meeting him got out of one. He is in North Carolina where he resides. I really like him and think he likes me , he shows intrest ,he calls and texts and tells me where his latest deployment will be...he calls and we talk for 1-2 hrs....my thing is I know army relationships are tough ...but should I stick this out and see what it holds...i really like him .....idk....

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NCSJ26

Asked by NCSJ26 at 12:21 AM on Jan. 9, 2013 in Military

Level 5 (85 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I have been an Army wife for 7 years and I can tell you the seperations are tough. You need to ask him how much longer he is going to be in the Army and where he is going when he gets out to see if you really even have a future together. It may be cynical but please PLEASE do not get married just because you guys really like eachother and talk on the phone all the time. One of my dearest Army wife friends is going through a divorce because she met her soon to be ex online while he was in Iraq, they chatted all the time and got married when he got back stateside. It was only a 3yr marriage.
    Ask him what he wants out of the relationship and before you become exclusive ask if he is as well before commiting yourself to him.
    cassie_kellison

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 12:31 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • Stick it out if you have feelings for him.
    Before I went in the Army, I met a guy, we had a lot in common and became good friends. I left and went to Basic Training, school and on to Permanent Party in Texas. Throughout we kept in touch. We grew closer because he wrote back, we talked on the phone etc. No cell phones back then, so everything was written in letters and cards.
    We eventually married and will be celebrating our 30th Anniversary in April!
    We became best friends throughout all of this and because he stayed in touch, it proved to me, he'd always be there for me.
    I STILL have all our cards and letters, lol
    Follow your heart and have lots of patience and remember, All good things come to those that wait. :)
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 12:35 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • Thank you! :) see we have talked about it but its still confusing.. He has been in the army for 14yrs...he is 32yrs old....he has taljed about staying till he can retire?? Is that at 40yrs old?? Hes talked about hes been there done that with the ladies and he views it all differently. He wants one now. His main issue is the trust becuz he says hes witnessed so many divorces and breakups. With what we talk about I dont think marriage is in view..so thats ok. hes also said hes not saying it wont/couldnt happen he just wantsbme to finish my schooling and hes focusef on the same. I just want him to know that if he/we put a title on this/us id give 100%. Ive told him and I believe that distance isnt for the fearful its for the bold. And yes I am also a believer that good things come to those wait!
    NCSJ26

    Comment by NCSJ26 (original poster) at 1:04 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • If he's waiting for retirement he would be 40. Unless he plans on doing more than 20 years. Sounds like you're on the right track.
    Just keep things going smoothly like they are now, continue to enjoy your friendship and the bonds will grow. It was 3 years before my DH and I married. I was glad we took our time and didn't rush anything.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 1:12 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • Thats awesome! Thank you so much for sharing ur story & ur advice :)
    NCSJ26

    Comment by NCSJ26 (original poster) at 1:17 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • You're welcome! I hope everything works out for you!
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 1:33 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • My DH Retired from the Army. We have been married 23 year. He did 20 years in the Army.
    This is my take on your situation. Keep him as a friend, that's it. Do not sit and wait around for him. If he wanted a more serious relationship. He would have said something to you before he left. What I know about Army guys. He is probably married. You were just something to do. Tell him you are starting to date again. See what he says.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:08 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • Well weve taked about if he was married when we met. He Stated..had been married previously when he was 24 and ended in divorce after 1 1/2 & said hes in no rush for next time till its right. I honestly dont think hes married.I know its true I cant sit and wait around if it wont even progress...but what if
    NCSJ26

    Comment by NCSJ26 (original poster) at 9:38 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • But I like him...amd I feel he thinks the same...i think I will continue our friendship for sure... After all im still getting to know him. He was only here 6mos and now is 9mos we been talkin and have know one another. I learn something new everytime we talk and find his career fascinating. I havent known him too long but i feel proud of him. thanks for your input..im takin them all into consideration :)
    NCSJ26

    Comment by NCSJ26 (original poster) at 9:47 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • If it's just a friendship right now, keep it like that and still date others. If you aren't dating him or in a relationship, don't spend years waiting on him to feel like it's time to make things more serious. If you talk about being together (eventually), then I think you need to make a point to define what you have right now and be upfront and honest about your feelings. If you do decide to date others in the meantime, do not FB friend (or any other social media) any of your prospects until you are exclusive.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:58 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

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