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23 yr old mom refusing to let us see our granddaughter ;( any advice?

My 23 yr old stepdaughter has been leaving her daughter with people, without even seeing her, for more than a week at a time, and seems to be trying to live her teen life over again. She wont let her dad or I see our granddaughter out of spite because we tried to suggest she grow up a little and do what's best for her daughter.

Within the last month she decided she didn't want to be with her live-in boyfriend, but instead of finalizing that relationship, she started another, while still living with the current boyfriend. But instead of just ending it, moving out and moving on, she started seeing another guy, behind the boyfriend's back, and not only introducing the new guy to the 2 year old daughter but she took this guy with her to take her daughter downstate to meet the child's father and drop her off for his visitation time. She did leave the apartment she shares with the boyfriend, when we picked our granddaughter up and brought her back. She stayed with us for a couple nights. as we encouraged her to do. We fixed up the spare room for her and our granddaughter, and said she could stay and we would help with daycare, or whatever she needed. She only brought some clothes when she left the apartment. All our granddaughters Christmas presents, her favorite toys, are still at the apartment. She just seems to be avoiding facing up to figuring things out! she and the new guy(who is 18) went out partying and her dad actually had to go pick them up, because they were both so WASTED! Then a day later she just left and we have not seen her for almost 2 weeks. OH, AND she is on probation, but that's a WHOLE other story. She won't answer our calls or texts. We've given her space, and time to calm down, or have time to herself, or whatever she her girlfriends place where she has been staying. The only contact has been through her cousin who is very sympathetic to our concerns and only wants the best for the 2 yr old, as we do. The last communication through the cousin, was my husband asking if we could see our granddaughter. Our daughter said no, try calling her Sunday, and maybe she would think about answering. That was on Monday. Our granddaughter is used to seeing us every few days, and talking to her grandpa on the phone EVERY night! This is breaking our hearts! We just don't know how to get through to our daughter and get her to realize that what she's doing is not best for her daughter. I've been told that she is starting to act just like her own mother did around this same age....and she ended up having all 4 of her children taken away.

I have stopped messaging my step daughter, or trying to call, because she just doesn't respond. To just let her call the shots and not point out how immature and unreasonable she is being seems irresponsible of us, but at this point, we just want her to calm down and start communicating with us again, and letting us see our granddaughter. Right now, we know our granddaughter is safe, with her godmother. That is of great peace to our souls!

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Asked by rms713 at 6:29 AM on Jan. 9, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 4 (33 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • You are basicly in the same position I am. Both my DD's do not let me see my grandkids. Legally their is not much you can do. If you know the bio dad. You might be able to get him to do something legally and see the child through him.

    Answer by louise2 at 6:54 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • If she is endangering the child, you can report her to CPS and file for custody yourselves. That's what I would do, if I thought the child was being neglected.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:49 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • yur husband could petition the courts, ifhe canprove that he had been actively involved he may be able to get some rights. You as a step mom would be granted nothing no matter how much you saw her. Ask the childs father to step in and help

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 9:00 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • Call CPS today, and report her. If she is on probation, you need to contact her probation officer as well. It is time for her to grow up, and I assume that if she is in jail, she would give custody of the child to you? What is the father's take on all of this? If the bio-dad is a stand up guy, maybe you should help him get full custody of the grandchild.

    Answer by jerseydiva at 10:52 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • Well, how much of a bitch do you want to be?

    At this point, if she's leaving her child with random people for over a week at a time you can call the authorities for child abandonment.

    If you want to continue to sit back and let her irresponsibility call the shots, keep doing nothing and pray nothing bad happens to that baby.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 11:50 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

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