Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Need advice about my fiance and relationship.

Help! From the time I met my fiance until October he has been in school. We have been together 2 1/2 years. While in school he would make money by doing a small hunting lease or he would live off of his government school grant. Now that he is out of school, he seems very lazy. He doesn't like the idea of a job at all! He says that he wants to do his own business, but doesn't know what kind of business. He doesn't help me around the house much at all either. His parents do not know boundaries and are still very wrapped up in his personal business. His dad has even agreed to lend him money to start a business, however; he doesn't have any business plan or idea of what to do. Being business partners with his dad is not a good decisions, but he doen't consider what I say about it. He also has been eating constantly and is very stagnant. I'm concerned. I was married before and see this relationship going badly. I have two children from my first marriage, and they have become very attached to my fiance and visa versa. However, I'm afraid his laziness is a bad influence. I don't know what to do!!!! My main concern is my children, and am afraid a break up will be very sad to them. They seem to have a better relationship with my fiance than their dad. I need advice.

Answer Question

Asked by ksluder333 at 11:21 AM on Jan. 9, 2013 in Relationships

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • Why would you marry a lazy man? It is going to hurt your children much worse if you marry this guy and then divorce him in 2-3 years. I would end things now rather than continue to go down a path that looks this bleak already.

    Answer by missanc at 11:23 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • A relationship with him isn't going to mean much to the kids if you are miserable.

    I think, if you can see it going badly, it's time for some serious changes. I'd sit down with him and just be very blunt: the way things are now, you see this going badly. Either he shapes up and gets a job or some kind of business or SOMETHING going, or you're ending the relationship now before there's a ton of hard feelings between you.

    But the fact that you seem more concerned over the kids being sad, rather than any mention of yourself being sad, tells me that you really probably want out anyway and are only staying for your kids. That's not a good reason to stay. If he really cares about them, you can arrange for him to still see them. And if he doesn't - then a clean break is best. The kids will get over it.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 11:26 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • Get a good look, because this is what your married life will look like. I would suggest holding off on the marriage until you can figure out what you want out of your future and if you can see yourself with this man in 10-15 years of what he's like now.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:30 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • Tell him how you're feeling and ask him to step up on helping out

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 11:32 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • I have tried telling him how I feel about helping out and everything else as well. We even split up for a while, and I was convinced things were different. However, now its back to the same thing. I feel like I am his mom.

    Comment by ksluder333 (original poster) at 11:35 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • Wow. I definitely wouldn't stick around.

    Answer by ABeaverhausen at 11:40 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • i say talk to him about how you feel and your concerns - hopefully you guys can come up with a solution together!

    Answer by futurebabykar at 11:53 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • It's time to part company with this guy. He's a spoiled, immature school boy and most likely will never be husband material unless by some miracle, he is forced to have to grow up.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:58 PM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • So to paraphrase, my boyfriend is lazy, but my kids will be sad if we break up. This is essentially what you are saying, right?
    Kids are resilient, so you can't use them as an excuse. They'll get over it faster than you will.
    Now what are you left with? A lazy boyfriend.
    Not the fairy tale you were hoping for? Move on.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:41 PM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • The kids will be fine. What they don't need is a LAZY stepfather and a MISERABLE mother. Get rid of him and move on with your life. You can do it on your own. Don't you deserve a relationship that is everything you want?

    Answer by booklover545 at 3:36 PM on Jan. 9, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.