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3 Bumps

What would you do?

I am a SAHM with 3 children, ages 8, 4, and 1. I am also a full time college student..taking 5 classes this semester..3 of those online. I currently have a 3.7 GPA but would like to raise it, so that means I need to do very well in all of my classes this semester. Anyways, my husband has work uniforms, they switched companies they get uniforms from, so Monday he had to turn in his old ones, and was supposed to get his new ones yesterday. He does have regular t-shirts with the company logo on them, but he hates them. So, yesterday when doing laundry, I did not make those a priority to wash, thinking he had new uniforms at work. So when he was getting dressed, he got upset because I "do nothing all day but sit on my butt" and he told me when he got home he expects all laundry to be done and the house to be sparkling...ugh...he refuses to do any laundry..wont even put it away. The only thing he really does is cook..probably twice a week. So between the kids and school work, the house is clean (not perfect) and I struggle to keep up with the laundry...I am debating on doing absolutely nothing today, just to show him how much I really do during the day. He normally appreciates everything, but every now and then he will get upset and claim I do nothing all day and rant and rave. Should I suck it up and just do it, or do nothing today and let him see how bad things would get if I really did nothing..I also think he should do his own laundry..at the very least his work clothes..what do ya'll think? I am super frustrated and overwhelmed. Feels like no matter how much I do, its never good enough.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:36 AM on Jan. 9, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Do everyone's laundry BUT his
    Everyone has to do their part......or at least keep their mouth shut
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 11:38 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • Have a little talk with him & let him know that you are exhausted and would appreciate a little help. You could try to stop doing things around the house for awhile, but what if he decides to still not help? Your house will be a wreck & you will have so much to catch up on. So my advice, just try talking to him & if he makes it clear he doesn't want to help, leave his laundry dirty for him to do! :).. If he doesn't want to wear dirty clothes, he'll wash his laundry.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 11:39 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • Do all but his
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 11:44 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • Sounds like the "changing uniforms" etc is simply pissing him off. Chances are work doens't have his new uniforms yet even though he's turned in the old ones. I would say just keep doing what you normally do but tell him to suck up his attitude and stop taking his work frustrations out on you. He'll mope for a day or two but get over it.
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 11:47 AM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • I'm thinking that if he only complains every once in awhile, that maybe he was just p.o.'d about them not having his uniform, and unfortunetly taking it out on you. I'd continue to do everything that you normally do, but have a little chat w/ him letting him know that you appreciate everything he does for the fam. working, cooking on occasion, etc. But you feel it's only fair that he needs to in turn respect all that you do everyday. Tell him that you do your best, and that perfection (i.e. sparkling house) is just not possible. So he needs to lower those high expectations, appreciate and respect you and all you do, or do it himself. That's just what I'd do, of course nothing would change around here, and I'd still end up doing it all... lol... I feel for ya, and am in a very similar situation. Hang in there!
    HappyEndings

    Answer by HappyEndings at 12:36 PM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • I would call him on the phone at around lunch time & say "I don't like you talking to me the way you did this morning. I am not a piece of shit" Then hang up. Then I would pretend he no longer exists. I wouldn't do anything of his or for him. I wouldn't even talk to him when he got home. Either I got an apology or I continue doing for Me & the kids ONLY. If you let things like this go then you are saying that "it's OK for you to treat me like this". Then it will escalate to more issues. Nip it in the bud now.

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 12:44 PM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • ILovemyPaulie is right. You need to make him understand that you are not his slave. You do multipule jobs. He does only one.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 1:21 PM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • It sounds to me like he was just having an off day. When you talk to or see him, that's what I would tell him. Then I would tell him that I completely understand because there are days when I myself feel like throwing a fit, as well. Then I would tell him that things go much better when both of us are trying to help each other so that life in general is a bit easier. Tie that to how you could use a bit more help and ask him what else you can do for him. He is not your enemy, and that's what you need to remember. I doubt that he chose for you to take so many hours or to try for a higher grade point average, but if you kindly express your desires to him and respectfully ask for his help, he is more apt to respond the way you would like him to. Under no circumstances would I refuse to do the man's laundry. Men are not like women, and some of them simply are not very domestic. I have had one of those for 48 years!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:54 PM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • The things about "expectations" are they get to be two sided, or not at all. He "expects" the house to be sparkling and all the laundry done? Well, then you "expect" him to do his share and quit being such a grouchy dick about it. As a woman who's been a SAHM, a working full time mom, a going to college mom, and now a mom with all her kids grown, I can tell you that the things these guys who work dont get is they get breaks!! They get to have a coffee break, a lunch break, go pee on their own, do a set job description, and have it completed, watch the clock and know they are almost done, etc. As someone who's done both sides, trust me it's easier. So hubby needs to suck it up, be considerate for all you do for him, and if he can't... let him do his laundry, pack his lunches, etc. You do all that to be kind to him, if he can't appreciate it. Stop.
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 1:55 PM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • Well, he called me before coming home for lunch (he comes home everyday) to see if we needed anything, and he apologized...he said he was just cranky and aggrevated that he did not have a clean shirt (I understand, but I thought he did not need those shirts) Anyways, I told him what made me mad was being TOLD what to do, that makes me feel like a child...Instead, I would respond better if he said "Hey hun, do you think you could get some laundry done, I need some work shirts, and pick up a little bit" that I would be more than happy to do it. I have a rebellious nature, if I am commanded to do something..I will purposefully not do it out of spite, even if I had planned on doing it. Me and my 4 year old did a quick clean and I've done 2 loads of laundry, to keep the peace. I don't think he really expects perfection, he is normally happy as long as there are not dishes and garbage everywhere, he was just cranky.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:06 PM on Jan. 9, 2013

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