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Stepmoms and the kids

My friend was telling me about an incident that happened while her kids were at their dad's house for Christmas break and I was wondering how other moms deal with their stepkids.

Her youngest, 3, has severe eczema and has to have a special lotion applied after every bath or he gets really nasty scabs from the eczema. Well she told her ex about the eczema and left him the meds over the two week stay with dad. When she picks him up at the end of the two weeks his little body is covered in eczema scabs and required steroids and antibiotics to heal. Well Monday she picked the kids up from dads scheduled visitation and was talking to his new wife about it and she was like I noticed it one night after a bath and thought it was eczema but she didn't do anything about it. To top it all off she is a licensed RN so she should have known better. She also doesn't enforce the same rules for her step kids as she does for her own children in regards to meal times and bedtimes making it a lot harder when my friend picks the kids up from visits.

Okay so stepmoms do you enforce the household rules for the stepkids or do you believe it is the biological parents responsibility to parent the children?


Asked by amandajoy21 at 5:16 PM on Jan. 9, 2013 in General Parenting

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This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • as a mother myself, i could not ignore something like this going on, especially under my own roof, and whether the kid is mine or not. yeah, the dad should've taken care of it, and the mother should've taken up her concerns with him. but still, how could any loving mother just ignore something like this? that poor child.

    Answer by tnm786 at 6:43 PM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • why are you bitching about the step mom
    your focus of blame should be on the father
    HE is the other parent not his 2nd wife

    but sick to death of letting the dads off scott free while moms, step moms or other females take 100% of responsibility and blame

    the mom should address concerns to the FATHER

    and i do not care if child is a girl, child is 3, and a father can and should bath a 3 yr old and apply lotion
    gender not an excuse in this situation

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:20 PM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • If SM didn't know that the child required medication or that the child had a known condition, nurse or not, what do you think she should have done?
    Would your friend have appreciated SM making a medical diagnosis and medicating the child?
    BM needs to talk to DAD. This needs to be between them. And if Dad is too (insert negative comment) to deal with kids then the three adults should sit down and come to an agreement on what SM's proper role in the kids life shall be.

    re: bedtimes. again. Her kids Dad's kids. You don't know what boundaries Dad and SM have come up with and you don't know what influence on Dad's house Mom has. they all three need to sit down and come to an agreement.

    Answer by feralxat at 5:22 PM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • As far as the eczema, if she hadn't been told there's no way for her to "know better" My dr told me not to put anything particular on my son's unless it seemed to be bothering him or got really bad. Whether or not she enforces the rules with her stepkids is between her and the bio dad.
    My husband is stepfather to my oldest 3, bio dad of my youngest 2. He didn't have kids before. We have general house rules and they are the same for everybody, everyone pitches in and does chores, everyone follows the same rules (except bedtimes, the older ones stay up later). If a rule is broken, then my husband and I talk about appropriate punishment before a decision is made about how to handle it - and honestly many times the wait time for the child to hear is worse than the punishment! If I'm not home and it's a small infraction then of course he handles it.

    Answer by missanc at 5:24 PM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • IMO If the parents are remarried, then everyone should know their role, and that is to parent the children in every way that's important. No one should be above anyone else no matter the biology involved. It doesn't take blood relation to raise a child, it takes love, care, and compassion. If they made the commitment to marry someone with children, then they made a commitment to them as well....

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 5:49 PM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • regardless , you gave the meds to dad, he is the parent and he should have ensured that it was used. His responsibility end of story.
    Ste moms get shit for not doing or stepping in so why would she??? I cansee why she woudl nnot take hr own action but she should have asked the dad

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 7:05 PM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • Sounds like she is getting alot of flack for something the dad should have been concerned about. And, if the dad didn't give her the proper medication to treat it, what was she supposed to do? She can't get a script for a child that is not hers. She may be an RN, but they can't write perscriptions. And, even if she had, and the child had a reaction to it, can you imagine what would have happened then?
    As for the rules issue, that could be on the dad as well. He may have told her that they are his kids, so they follow his rules. He may be the one letting them follow different rules then her kids.
    I guess I just get tired of seeing step moms berated no matter what they do. Seems like they can't win. They either aren't involved enough, or they are too involved. I think ALL the adults should get together and agree on her role and amount of interaction she should have with the kids.'

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 2:50 AM on Jan. 10, 2013

  • I am not blaming the stepmom, but she is often in charge of the kids during visitations because he is in the military and has duty or has to work. I mean I don't care if you are my kid or not if I notice something is wrong with them and they are in my house I am going to do something about it. Call the biological parent or treat it and notify the parent, but I am not going to ignore it and hope it changes.

    She has but he claimed he didn't know about the child's condition that he has had since birth.

    Comment by amandajoy21 (original poster) at 5:25 PM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • She did know because she told both of them about the eczema and her oldest had it when he was a baby and she had his medication in the house.

    Comment by amandajoy21 (original poster) at 5:26 PM on Jan. 9, 2013

  • So you're saying SM was told of the condition. Given medication to treat the condition and decided to do nothing about the condition? Despite asking Dad what was wrong with the the kid and the Dad said, "I dunno"?

    Does that make any sense to you?

    Answer by feralxat at 5:30 PM on Jan. 9, 2013