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Am i reacting wrongly about my fiance goin to the doctor for having anxiety?

My fiances mother is always anxious and nervous and so was her mother and so is my fiances brother and they all take pills to calm themselves down. I want to know if anyone thinks that this nervousness is learned or if it is hereditary? He went to his doctor and he put him on zanax, i am scared he will get addicted to them. I feel that he learned to be nervous all the time from seeing his mother and grandmother always like that, but i am not a doctor and have no experience with this. Please help!!

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:24 AM on Feb. 13, 2009 in Health

Answers (9)
  • If he grew up around it then I think he probably is prone to "think" he has the same prob. But maybe he really does have the prob. I don't know how you can figure out if he really has the problem though. Good luck

    Answer by GMR at 10:27 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Well anxiety is a real problem, but yes, it can be learned as well. BUT depression is hereditary. As far as anxiety, I have Xanax for it, but maybe take it like once a week, and only at bedtime. I would say that your SO needs better coping skills, but since I'm not a doctor I can't make that assumption either, best of luck

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:27 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • same here, I believe a lot of it is learned. Has your fiance tried to look into self help books? Those can strengthen them from the inside instead of temporarily putting off the problem as meds do, if your fiance has to be around these anxiety prone people often, it will be no doubt harder for her to gain strength over it.  A great book that helped me with my anxiety is Hope and Healing for your Nerves by Dr Claire Weeks, get it for her off its an awesome book!!


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:30 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • i think that some of it is learned, and also it could indeed be a real anxiety disorder. i wouldn't "poo-poo" an anxiety disorder, but i think that it would be good for him to be on the meds BUT continue therapy to learn tools and techniques in order to control it WITHOUT meds, then the doc. can monitor him with weekly appts. and phone check ups when he is weaning and off the med. If he continues to have anxiety, and needs the meds, i wouldn't worry too much. I was on meds for anxiety before (not zanax, but i never got addicted. i mean, i was on like narcotics and never had a problem, so it really probably depends on his personality if it is an "addictive" one or not. But that is why the doctors monitor the meds. if you worry, go to an appointment with him and have a list of questions and ask away!!! (ps i don't need any of those meds except i take one for ADD. good luck!)

    Answer by missbreezy214 at 12:31 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • i get overly anxious all the time too. i have talked with my doctor about it. they prescribed me xanax 8 months ago. i still have 3 pills left (out of 10). I don't take them unless i absolutely have to, and only at night. my dh gave me a hard time about it and it really embarrassed me. i know he didn't mean to, but it is definately (in my case) something that was a 'learned' thing. i have started reading books on self improvement though and it has helped so much. actually...dr. phil's family first helped the most. it talked about how we learn things from our parents and don't know how to 'unlearn them'. i obviously don't know his case, but i would just recommend supporting him and helping him through the problem, rather than just to mask it. it sounds like you are already though. good luck :)

    Answer by rainandresmom at 3:20 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • It can be both learned and hereditary, and to be honest, it doesn't matter which it is if he is experiencing the symptoms b/c they are still real symptoms. And you should support your DH's decision to get meds if he feels he needs them because not doing so will only make matters worse &/or create other problems in your relationship. Even if you don't agree w/him getting meds, support him, and while supporting him, you can suggest he seek out other therapies to help him deal with his anxieties. CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) could help him work through his anxieties, whether they are "real" or "learned", so a win-win for him (and you!), and he can get the therapy while he is on the medication, then gradually wean from the meds if he & his doc feel he can after having had therapy for a while.

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 5:15 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • I've learned first hand that any anxiety and depression pills don't work my mom and sister both tried to commit suicide and they were on xanax and a bunch of other pills. What CAN help is meditation exercising,swimming,hypnosis,and eating a ton of fresh vegetables.

    Answer by MarGeee at 6:00 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • I've seen medication work for people with depression, OCD (an anxiety disorder) and also people with anxiety issues. But of course what works for one person might not work for another so sometimes we do have to explore other areas. However, if someone is feeling anxious and having a hard time dealing with day-to-day issues these problems need to be addressed. Good luck! And, I have seen anxiety problems run in families and not all the family members had anxiety problems.

    Answer by LKornak at 9:34 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Xanax is an addictive medication. If that's the concern he can request something else. Seroquel is one & a lot of the anti-depressants are also used for anti-anxiety. The thing is this - regardless if he's learned it or not - if it's there - it is there. Everyone has some anxiety at different times for different reasons. Your husband is an adult & if he feels that his anxiety is at a point where he can not handle it then I think your reaction is very wrong, although you have good concern. You should discuss this with him. You are not a medical doctor so it is not up to you to discern the need. Hopefully it is a short term need that he can overcome, but if so & you are throwing a hissy fit... your only going to contribute to more of the anxiety...

    Answer by awnryprincess at 6:53 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

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