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being an adoptee

i was adopted and was found 5 years ago by my sister who was raised by my biological mother along with other siblings . i love my adoptive mother and had a great childhood but sometimes i feel so angry with my biological family i just dont know were i fit in . my question is how do other adoptees deal with this .

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:28 AM on Feb. 13, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (32)
  • How old are you? You need to toughin up and get over it and realize that there are worst things in life. At least you had a wonderful childhood. Would you rather have been raised in poverty and around drugs, abuse and neglect? Consider yourself lucky and be glad your biological family gave you up.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:46 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Other adoptees deal with this by not worring about it and being thankful for the wonderful life they were able to have because of the selfless act of their biological parents.

    Answer by staceynoel at 10:48 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Hey anon how do YOU know she would have been raised in poverty & drug abuse? That's just insane to assume all women who choose adoption were going to be abusive and drug addicted if they kept the baby! what a stereotype! The MAJORITY of other birthmoms I know are stable, not into drugs, raising other kids in a nice environment so maybe you should look into the facts as to what is behind most infant adoptions & you will see its NOT that we would be abusing said child or doing drugs or living in poverty!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:06 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • #1...Don't read the first two answers. If you already have, then FORGET what they said.

    #2...Try talking to your AMom and, if you can, your BMom about the feelings you are experiencing.

    #3...I know there are several Adoptee groups here on Cafemom. They would be very good support for you and would probably be able to give you some very good advice. I think most, if not all, Adoptees feel this way at one time or another so don't think you are in the minority.

    #4...I would suggest finding a counselor who specializes with Adoptee issues and see that person.

    #5...Do not visit the Adoption Q&A section of Cafemom.

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 11:11 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Well whatever life she was able to have, I'm sure would have been alot better that what she would of had with her birth parents. I'm sorry, but you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and be thankful for the life you do have. If you can't get over it than get counseling.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Well, your life could of been worse you could have been brought up by a teen mother.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Wow! I can't believe how insensitive some of you anon. responders are being. Everyone deserves to have their feelings validated and not to be told that they should just get over a major event in their lives which I can only imagine that adoption is since I have no personal connection to it. We don't know what her life would have been like with her original family so how can anyone say it would be the worse possible situation they can imagine i.e drugs poverty etc.

    Answer by miriamz at 11:26 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Oh wow, I really cannot believe the answers your question has recieved...I can't see why those ingnorant people chose to answer anonymous for the most part.

    My advice to you would be to see if you can connect with people who have been in the same situation you are in. If you could find other adoptees who had to work through these same feelings towards their birth families you would probably feel much better knowing you're not alone and that your feelings aren't abnormal. It might also help to know that others have faced this and worked through it. Hopefully someday you will feel as though you fit in with both families. Just know that is no right or wrong way to feel about this; you're entitled to whatever feelings you may have about the situation - maybe down the line those feelings will change. Good luck to you.

    Answer by MommyAddie at 1:03 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Oops, I meant to write that I CAN see why people answered you anon!

    Answer by MommyAddie at 1:05 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • OP, you are not alone in feeling like you don't fit in with your Natural family....thats one of those 'gifts' of adoption. I have a state by state listing for adoption support groups that I'd be happy to share with you.

    You are not alone in being verbally flamed by some members of the traid with blatant ignorance, stupidity and nauseating cliches. I'll gladly send you over a six month supply of barf bags and a cafemom survival guide for questions in adoption forum.

    quote: 'Pay no attention to that man (woman) behind the curtain'. .... Wizard of Oz

    Answer by adopteeme at 4:11 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

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