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2 Bumps

How to deal with a middle child?

i am a mother of three daughters. i had to move in with my mother-in-law recently. my problem is my middle daughter,who is 14. she won't do any thing around the house unless i tell her. she is not a bad child, hers grades in school are great, and she doesnt get in trouble at school. the problem is she refuses to listen to any adult, other than me. she gives them attitude, including her step-dad. i believe its because they are not her real dad or her natural grand-parents. i have tried talking to her about it but, it seems like i am talking to a brick wall. this is causing problems. i feel like they want us out but, we can't afford to move out right now. is there anyone who can shed a little light on this because i feel like i am going insane. HELP!!!!!!!!!!

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dontknowanymore

Asked by dontknowanymore at 3:44 PM on Jan. 10, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • well first off stop referring to her as "a middle child" She is your daughter. Birth order is meaningless. Treat her the same way you would treat the other 2 if they were acting the same. Get to the root of the problem. How old was she when you and her father split? Could be she didin't understand the whole reason behind it or she misses her dad. Try talking to her like an ADULT.
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 3:49 PM on Jan. 10, 2013

  • I doubt it has anything to do with being a middle child but if you have talked to her you might want to turn the tables on her a bit. She wants to go to the basketball game. Go ask MIL as you can't do it. If she asks then MIL simply says I'm sorry but I have to clean the table that you wouldn't help me with so I don't have time.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 3:49 PM on Jan. 10, 2013

  • take away her favorite things such as a cell phone or her radio/tv whatever until she learns to respect other adults
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 3:50 PM on Jan. 10, 2013

  • I'm a middle child, being ignored would be the worse. I turned out OK never got in trouble. Here is a l.ink that might help you understand


    http://www.more4kids.info/2537/tips-for-raising-a-middle-child/  


     

    sunshine196

    Answer by sunshine196 at 3:51 PM on Jan. 10, 2013

  • i am sorry if you are offended by me calling her a middle child, i know she is my daughter. i didn't mean anything by it for i am a middle child myself. her father and i split up when she was 3. i do feel this was a problem because he never wanted anything to do with our daughters and now he has dead. i have taken away everything, the ipod, tv, really anything that she enjoys and i still didn't work. i have talked to her till i was blue in the face and nothing. and no i didn't yell at her when we talked. i love all my daughters the same and treat them as such.
    dontknowanymore

    Comment by dontknowanymore (original poster) at 4:07 PM on Jan. 10, 2013

  • then the minute she comes home from school she can sit in her room till dinner then after dinner she can sit in her room again. No contact with anyone
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 4:13 PM on Jan. 10, 2013

  • Each time she is rude, disrespectful to an adult she gets 1 more day of restriction - no cell phone, no tv, no going out, no having friends over, no afterschool activities, nothing. If she's still being rude, she can sit in her room until she can behave.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 4:26 PM on Jan. 10, 2013

  • Grounding can be a good idea but also consider restitution. If she is rude to an adult then she has to come up with a way to make it up to them whether it be making them dinner, cleaning there home, using her money to purchase them a card of apology... if she is not learning from correction alone then help her to see what happens when you do for others. Make sure the adult she is paying the restitution to understands where you are coming from so that they can be accepting of the offer and show ample gratitude for the gesture.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 4:39 PM on Jan. 10, 2013

  • thank you ladies. i have tried adding a day of restriction when she is rude but, i hate to say it seems she has been grounded to her room for months. that is why i am at my whits end. i just had another talk with her about it and this time i think something clicked. she finally told me how upset she was about her dad dying and how he didn't want anything to do with her. it hurts me but i explained the best i could why he was like that. i didn't want to make him out to be some evil person, after all he is dead, but that is what he was. i kind of feel like she doesn't want to let anyone in because she is afraid that they will leave her too and as a mom that really hurts. and thanks for the restitution idea, that's one i haven't thought of.
    dontknowanymore

    Comment by dontknowanymore (original poster) at 5:27 PM on Jan. 10, 2013

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