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Please help...Wise moms out there, I need your advice, and support!

My dd is 2 and 1/2 years old. she has always been the perfect baby, toddler, and child overall...Well that is until lately. the last 2 months or so have gotten terrible. If daddy leaves the house without kissing her its a fit throwing morning for like 2 hours. If we say she cant do something, its another instant crying and screaming. This moring she had an episode, and I do my best, I take her to her room and tell her we need to relax and that i will sit with her and hold her. But after a while i really cant take it. So I leave the room so we both can have a break. She started pounding on the door and freaking out, I wasnt cooled down and i spanked her bottom pretty hard, I cried, wished I hadnt done it, but i was so mad because she was screaming and crying over nothing and wouldnt stop... I held her and rocked her and tried again and eventualy calmed down. I dont know what to do. I feel like a hopeless mom. What to do..

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:54 AM on Feb. 13, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (10)
  • Unfortunately Mama I don't have good answer. The only thing I can say is that I've heard that what people say about the terrible two's are true, so maybe that's what this is? I don't know hun, but believe me when I say that it will all be ok, and that you are a great mom and are doing the best you can. Just, take a breath, have patience and if all else fails when she's throwing a fit and crying and screaming and you aren't cooled down, leave her be that way you don't do something you'll feel guilty for. I hope this helps and I'm sorry if it doesnt.

    Answer by ElijahsMom211 at 11:00 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • This is my opinion only. But from having been there I think she is testing to see how far she can go before mommy and daddy cave in. ALSO along with that goes the testing of her own abilities. We tell our 2 year olds what big kids they are, then don't let them make thier decisions. Of course we don't. They are two!
    I think that an option might be to keep her so darn busy she doesn't have time to throw fits. Keep going, from craft to cooking to playdate to nap. But keep a running dialogue with her. If she objects, tell her mommy is deciding today. Then give her a choice of two things. ONLY TWO. Wanna make cookies or brownies? Should we have soup or chicken for dinner?
    Give her a teeny bit of controlled control if that makes any sense at all.
    As for the spanking, chalk it up to you both were out of control and we have most of us been there. You are not a bad mom. You sound like a very GOOD mom. Hope this helps.

    Answer by SusieD250 at 11:00 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Its a phase. It will pass. However, how you respond is very important. People continue to do what works. This is true for children as well. If she throws a fit and gets a response out of you (positive or negative) she may continue. Acknowledge her feelings and then ignore the behavior. If there is really no reason for her to be screaming then try telling her in a calm manner that you understand she is upset but that screaming about it isn't going to bring daddy back and we'll see him when he gets home tonight. Offer her an alternative (toy, etc.) If she doesn't stop, then, let her scream with no other word about it. You don't need to get mad or sad or upset about it (that will just feed into it). She doesn't need to be punished for it. You really just need to ignore it. If you're consistent about not giving into it, then eventually she'll realize it doesn't work and try something else (like smiling maybe).

    Answer by ANGIE409 at 11:03 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Do you mean she has been perfect up until now because she has been always doing what you want??

    It sounds like she is trying to find her limits - and yours.

    Actually, pretty normal.

    Do you have a R/L playgroup that you hang out with? Might make you feel better, seeing how other kids her age act.

    Answer by Wimsey at 11:04 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • This is the age where they start testing their limits and learning how to push our buttons. The next time she throws a tantrum walk away and ignore her, once she realizes she's not getting your attention she will stop.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 11:28 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • I haven't found the "terrible two's" to be that terrible. And I think I know why... my daughter has been opinionated from day one, threw fits before she was a year, and has tested limits all along. The "terrible two's" hasn't been much different for me. : )
    I think moms like you have it worse - a happy, easy-going baby and toddler who suddenly turns into a willful child.
    What to do? I found two helpful sources.
    The first was this article on discipline from BabyCenter...
    The second was the book "Playful Parenting".
    The biggest thing to remember is consistency. Make your plan (both you and dad need to agree), lay out the rules for her (she's old enough to understand), and stick with it.
    And don't be afraid to put yourself in time-out. Heaven knows I have! It actually teaches her that it's an OK way to calm down.

    Answer by kaycee14 at 12:03 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • The more you react to her tantrums the more she'll do it. Tell her it's okay to be mad, because we all have feelings and as long as no one is in harms way ignore the fit. When she calms down talk to her about it.

    Answer by MoMmY2APrince85 at 1:01 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • I would definately ask the doc about it, but it could just be a phase. It does seem like an awful big fit though. Is it always over something that she usually gets? Ie daddy always kisses me but today the routine changed and I don't know how to handle it? B/c that could be a see the doc kinda of problem. Or is it I want my way but I'm not getting it and I don't know how to voice my opinion so I'm going to cry until I get my way? B/c that's just being a child. Obivously you can't force your child to calm down and will need to work on means of acheiving this goal. But once she is calm, try to get her to talk to you and explain what she wanted and why if possible. Or have her show you and point out the things she wants and try talking with her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:04 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Does she communicate well, if so, after she calms down ask her why she was mad or sad? My daughter is 2 and when she cries for no reason or throws a tantrum, I try to reason at first but if she seems to be getting more agitated, I stop talking and just let her cry until she is finished getting the frustration out of her system, well ... unless she is not hurting herself. Then I open my arms without saying a word and invite her in for a hug. Then I hold her and distract her with something else... after she is completely back to normal I ask her what was wrong and why she got mad, she usually tells me what made her mad, if there was a reason to begin with and I tell her that she should talk to me like a big kid rather than cry like a baby.
    See if this helps.

    Answer by SweKrish at 5:10 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Oh thank you moms! For all your replies! I feel much better... Good advice! and encouragement!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:02 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

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