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3 Bumps

Am I doing something wrong? I don't feel welcome with inlaws...

My in laws are really nice people. MIL more so than FIL. They've always been polite, we've never had cross words at all. They were really excited when DH proposed, and when we got married. The thing is, I feel less welcome than my husbands ex wife. They told me she was quite the drama queen before I met her and they didnt care for her because of how she treated the kids and my DH. However, when she comes to get the kids, they fall all over her to make her feel welcome. Even baking cookies to give to her, which she never eats and leaves in the car to rot according to DH. I heard him tell them recently that he wanted her to get the kids and leave, so could they stop dragging out her stay when she comes. If she was a nice person, I'd understand but she is so rude to everyone, including them. But no one says anything about it, they just talk about how they can't stand her behavior when she leaves. I feel like I've done something wrong, or they like her more than me. I feel stupid and childish for saying it, but shouldn't they also want to make their new DIL feel comfortable in their home and in their family?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:21 PM on Jan. 11, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • They are being overly nice to her to keep her from going berserk and maniacle around the family. I have an x sister-in-law like her... It's like we have to tip-toe around her and guard her feelings or she'll fly off the handle at anything and everything and become bi-polar right in front of our eyes in front of everybody.

    Your in-laws truly do love YOU. They don't have to put-on around you, because they like you for who you are. Don't sweat it. Just be yourself and stay that way... Dh loves you for you and doesn't want his ex anymore. Be thankful for that.
    Ruthmom802

    Answer by Ruthmom802 at 12:36 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • They are in a tough spot. If something were to happen to their son then they have NO rights to even see their grandkids. I'd kiss butt to make sure that a good impression was left every time because I wouldn't want it to come back and bite me. It doesn't mean they don't like you. Perhaps you could bake some cookies to help them out.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 12:25 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • You say she's rude and leaves the cookies to rot, and isn't so nice - so maybe they fall all over themselves being nice to her because they're afraid she won't let them see the grandkids anymore if they don't?

    Have you told the how you feel? If not, maybe you should. They might not realize how uncomfortable you feel, and once you tell them, they might try harder to make sure you don't feel that way. And even if they don't, what does it really matter? Your husband doesn't make you feel bad, and he's the one who really counts.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 12:25 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • Maybe they feel like they don't have to pretend with you? Or if there is a custodial issue going on, maybe they are purposefully trying to suck up to look good in her eyes & the courts? Or worst case scenario: they could also start talking bad about you behind your back when you leave.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 12:28 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • Maybe they're doing it for the kids. They probably mean well but are over compensating to hide their true feelings
    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 12:30 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • I had the same problem. My in-laws live in the other half of the double where my DH's ex lives. PLUS his brother is married to her sister, so they're all still technically related. I was not welcome there for quite some time because they didn't want to "make waves". I can understand that. They have to live there, but yeah, same thing- they bend over backwards for her, and made me completely unwelcome.
    I had to point out to them that at this point she's no relation to them other than a neighbor, OR their daughter-in-law's sister (or son's sister-in-law), and that I am the new daughter-in-law.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:14 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • They sound like nice people.. They are allowed to be nice to the both of you & maybe they want to stay on good terms for the children.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 12:31 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • Why do they have to see her when the kids are transferred from Mom to Dad?

    "I heard him tell them recently that he wanted her to get the kids and leave, so could they stop dragging out her stay when she comes."
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 12:33 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • We eat at his parents house a lot, so she comes there to pick up kids. No custody issues going on. DH has custody of oldest. I guess I really dont like her smug looks she gives me as if to say "ha ha they like me." Just makes me feel bad. I dont blame them for being nice, but she is so rude to everyone there.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:48 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • Are you guys a new couple? Maybe they feel hesitant now from what happened. Maybe they are more slow to warm up. Unfortunately you are feeling the grunt of it. Also, they have kids together it sounds like so maybe the parents feel like she is still important? Do you have kids with him?
    lizzybee44

    Answer by lizzybee44 at 5:28 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

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