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How do I communicate with my ex when it comes to our son?

My ex has done nothing, but try to hurt me since we have been broken up. Not only that he doesn't pay child support, he helps out and visits his son only when he's in the mood to. When he talks to me he brags about his new fiancé, his new apartment, and brags about anything that is materialistic [clothing, jewelry, furniture, etc.] I have tried to talk to him about our son only, but he refuses to talk about what's really important, our son. Then, when I tell him that he needs to step up all he does is bring up our past relationship and how he is so happy now. I have even told him that I wanted to set up a visitation schedule so we wont have to communicate, but he would just simply ignore me about it. People say that I should ignore him when he calls for our son since I have talked to him about a visitation schedule and all he does is wanna hurt me when we do talk, but I kind of feel like it  would be wrong to do that. I need advice pls.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:14 PM on Jan. 11, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I would go to court and ask for a visitation schedule and they will have you meet with a mediator who will help you communicate and agree on a schedule and other co-parenting issues.

    Answer by amandajoy21 at 8:18 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • My ex and I contact one another via email only. That way I not only don't have to deal with him but I have a written record of all communication. Go through the courts to set up visitation.

    Answer by missanc at 8:19 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • TEXT. Then you don't have to hear all the blah blah blah, and you have a written transcript of what he's saying when you try to discuss important issues.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 8:19 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • Call Child Support Enforcement and have them mail you all the forms, fill them out and let the state take care of collecting the child support. It is great. They also handle all the modifications every three years. In terms of visitation I would talk with his parents. My ex was a jerk and would not see our daughter, I called my MIL and took my daughter over to see them. The picked her up for the day twice a month and they really came down on my ex. He began observing his visitation. Maybe it will help you. Good luck to you.

    Answer by booklover545 at 8:21 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • My ex and I would pass a calendar back and forth, I would write in doctor appointment and school events. He would make notations on if he could not take the kids for visitation, etc. Than he started sending me everything else certified mail. We did not talk. I just put a copy of report cards, hand-outs from school, medical bills, ect. in with the calendar.
    When he would come to the door and drop off the kids - I would just agree with everything he said - It took me awhile to realized it takes two to agree and he's only trying to push your buttons.. Don't let him see you get upset or it'll never stop. Don't worry, as soon as he was gone and I got a few minutes away from the kids - I had a great friend, who I'd call and vent, too. (usually, spent this time in my bathroom or closet)

    Hang in there...

    Answer by SassySue123 at 8:22 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • You communicate through written means only: email, text, snail mail. And only through those means. If you have to, go back to court and get it written in the court order - I did. My ex can only email me for communication. Period.

    That will allow you to skip over all his petty crap and give you tangible proof that he is basically refusing to discuss your son with you.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:25 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • Ok thanks ladies.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:02 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • My ex nd i went to court nd have no communication what so ever we have a 3rd party who we both drop kids off to and pick up from had a mediator as an option however that also includes cps nd children being questioned which i am uncomfortable with afraid it may traumatize my young children. I find it easier this way

    Answer by unknown82 at 10:38 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • Yes, email with receipt read so you know he reads it. Then, if you really want to get his attention, make sure you go back to court and have him pay the court the child support, it takes a few days longer to get, but the minute he is late, oh my, the court gets on him. And a visitation schedule as one mom suggested via court is good also. Don't beg him. Men are hunters and they like mystery, even if its your ex, the next time he starts bragging just make an excuse, oh, gotta go, someones at the door, or something like that; terminate that conversation. Don't be nice cuz he is hurting your son, but your son can have an incredible mom to make up for it. Remember how wonderful you are and how much you love your son. Also, even if you r still in love w/the guy, move on, but make him accountable through the court system.

    Answer by Lilly829 at 2:44 AM on Jan. 12, 2013

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