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Vent. My mom is refusing to talk to me because I wouldn't go get her postage stamps

Last Sunday we took her out to eat and I spoke from my heart and told her that it hurt my feelings when the only time she calls is when she wants something,and how she needs to start doing for herself instead of expecting everyone else to wait on her hand and foot. I told her that if she shows initiative to help herself 1st,that other people would be more willing to help her. She is suppose to be exercising,but she barely gets up from her chair.
I told her last Sunday to make sure that she got all her errands done since we were out. I asked her 3 times if she was sure that there was anything else that she needed. She says no. Ok then.
She calls me Tuesday and asks if I can bring her stamps. Sigh.
We have one car. My husband takes it to work,so for me to get them,I'd have to take the bus to the post office,then walk the 1/2 mile to her house,wait a half hour at least for the next bus,then ride that one for almost another half hour. Total time,close to 2 hours,more if I stay to visit.
My husband works 12 hour shifts. I don't have the heart to ask him to go do this when he's exhausted.
Every week its something else with her. Every week I tell her make sure you get what you need.
She figures she needs it,I should jump.
Before anyone jumps onto the "but she's your mom" bandwagon,I have stories about my childhood that would curl your hair. She and I are semi estranged as it is. My family guilted me into what I already do now.
She doesn't just want company. If it weren't for needing us to take her grocery shopping,she'd be happy to never see us. If she doesn't get something out of the visit besides company,she wants nothing to do with it.
* Tuesday my husband worked 14 hours. When I told her we could maybe get them Wed or Fri,she got pissy and hurried off the phone. She wanted them NOW


Asked by butterflyblue19 at 8:40 PM on Jan. 11, 2013 in Relationships

Level 50 (383,297 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • Oh honey. Mom is manipulating you, there is some great advice in the answers I have read. Be nice, but ignore her for your sanity and health and your husband's. Give her a schedule, as to when you can be available for her or to run some errands while you are out doing your errands. But, if she isn't talking to you, well, that does solve a bit of the problem. You can also let her cool off for a couple of days, who knows, she may even call you back. But as far as I am concerned, if you have some stories that would curl our hair about your mom when you were younger, I don't care if she is your mom, karma's a bitch. She is in the position she is in because somewhere down the line, she chose it. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your family and your husband come first. If she doesn't get it, that is terribly sad.

    Answer by Lilly829 at 2:52 AM on Jan. 12, 2013

  • Don't get them. Don't let her guilt you. I've read all your questions, you owe her nothing.

    Answer by 3libras at 8:42 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • But she's faaaaamily!

    Why do you keep doing this to yourself?

    Answer by feralxat at 8:43 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • I wouldn't worry about it. If she needed them that badly Wed. or Friday would be fine. or like you said she could call your uncle. Don't let them guilt you into anything. If you can't do it then you can't do it. You have to take care of yourself first. Oh and BTW the post office delivers stamps. The mailman will bring them with his daily delivery. (At least they do where I am)

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 9:37 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • Are you my sister? (I know you're not since I am an only child). But your mother is exactly like mine. She wants me to do everything for her. She doesn't seem to realize that the hell she made my life when I was a kid tends to affect my compassion for her now. Thankfully, she is in a Physical Rehab facility right now, so she is driving someone else batshit crazy. My advice to you is cut the cord. She is manipulating you and the rest of your family is only helping a lazy person.

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 11:08 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • Well, if she's not talking to you, your problem is solved, right?

    Answer by SWasson at 8:45 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • meals on wheels

    Answer by feralxat at 8:45 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • Let her fend for herself.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 8:51 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • I honestly don't think she'd let herself starve to death. Her survival instincts would kick in & she'd get up and do for herself.


    Answer by 3libras at 8:52 PM on Jan. 11, 2013

  • I have read your stories and if I remember right there is a store across the street. But she will not go. I bet they have stamps there and she could definitely call them to fin out.
    I sound a little hard hearted but a post reminded me that many stores will deliver if you call with a list and a credit/debit card and pay a fee for delivery fee.
    I think I would stop being available. She is not helping herself and she is hurting you.
    Give her the number fo a store that will bring the groceries to her.

    Answer by Dardenella at 8:57 PM on Jan. 11, 2013