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3 Bumps

To go to the funeral or not?

My husband is working through a temp agency for a company that deals with HVAC parts. He is not a regular employee and is not paid as a regular employee. This company prides itself on being really close knit and all of the employees become "family". When my dh started they said he would work 90 days and then may be offered the position permanently. His 90 days are coming up soon.

The question is... The man that started this company retired recently, before dh started, died this week. All of the employees knew him and loved him, hell... his daughters and sil's are the managers. Anyhoo, his funeral is tomorrow and dh is not sure he should go. He never met the guy and would feel very uncomfortable going. But he was given the info about the funeral in case he wanted to go. He was told going to the funeral was optional.

So should he go? His obituary said donations should be made to hospice. I was wondering if it would be okay if we just made a donation in his name instead of attending the funeral.

Answer Question

Asked by SleepingBeautee at 2:06 AM on Jan. 12, 2013 in Relationships

Level 45 (192,108 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • If he is interested in a permanent position, I suggest going. It will show respect for the family, and show you are interested in becoming part of the "family".


    Answer by musicmaker at 2:17 AM on Jan. 12, 2013

  • That is what I was thinking too. But he is wigging out about going.

    Comment by SleepingBeautee (original poster) at 2:18 AM on Jan. 12, 2013

  • ugh...this is awkward. But honestly, I think it would work well for him to go but if it's really an intolerable idea (and I wouldn't blame him), you can make a donation. Or go and don't donate. Tough one...I'd say if he hopes to work there long term, I'd go.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 2:22 AM on Jan. 12, 2013

  • Often when they say "optional" they mean that you will be well regarded if you DO go ... I wouldn't miss a chance to secure a job. After all, the discomfort will only last for an hour or so ...

    Answer by winterglow at 3:47 AM on Jan. 12, 2013

  • Personally, I wouldn't go and make the donation. I wouldn't want to be hired permanently to a company because I attended a funeral over my job skills.

    Answer by 1CopaceticMama at 8:18 AM on Jan. 12, 2013

  • I would go. Going to a funeral isn't always about the person who died, sometimes it's about showing support and concern for the people that loved that person. Funerals aren't generally pleasant events that we look forward to, we attend out of respect and consideration.

    Answer by ohwrite at 8:22 AM on Jan. 12, 2013

  • Go,make sure the rest see him there,shake some hands,pay his respects,and make a hasty retreat

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 8:56 AM on Jan. 12, 2013

  • Look at it this way, he won't regret going, because it will be a nice thing to do for his coworkers. (it's not so bad once you are there, pay your respects and off you go) And he may very much regret NOT going. No downside to going other than he doesn't want to be there, which a pp pointed out is true for everyone.

    Answer by tessiedawg at 11:38 AM on Jan. 12, 2013

  • Yes, he should definitely go & I agree 100% with butterflyblue19.


    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 11:46 AM on Jan. 12, 2013

  • I would suggest that he goes just to earn cool points with his employees and other employers. Then after the funeral, I would suggest that he makes a comment like he seemed like he was well-loved so he must have been a great guy.

    Answer by Diamond2010 at 11:53 AM on Jan. 12, 2013

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