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help my soon to be 23 year old daughter is soo heartbroken all she does is cry and listen to very sad songs since her boyfriend broke up with her again they have been going out on and off for the last 5 years its so sad she makes me cry

they were on and off for the past 5 years and doen not even want to see her more than once a week cause he is busy they would just text everyday yet she is in love with him and i dont know what to do

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Asked by daisy51659 at 2:13 PM on Jan. 12, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Jsy listen, be patient and try and find activities that get her out of her room. Don't bad mouth the BF tho, cause she might get back with him and she will then be mad at you!

    Answer by Jomasjc at 1:01 PM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • thank you all so much you have all been so helpful to me...and i know that she is 23 but she is my daughter and will always be my little girl...i have read all of the responses and thank you again for helping me and be soo thoughtful i nedded this

    Comment by daisy51659 (original poster) at 8:58 PM on Jan. 13, 2013

  • There is not much you can do but support her anyway you can, I would like to suggest a book that has helped a lot of people, it is called Breaking up without breaking down, available at this site with the same name plus a .com at the end.

    Answer by older at 8:25 AM on Jan. 13, 2013

  • All you have to do is listen to her & let her have her feelings.
    The words of these people posting here are true...this is something she has to go through, and it hurts, and she will be all right (it is not somehow bad to feel devastated or to grieve, when you experience a loss) all that can inform YOUR perspective to help you tolerate (internally) seeing her feelings of pain & sadness.
    You don't have to give her pep talks or assure her that she'll be all right, or that this was "for the bes,t" or anything else. Focus on containing your own feelings (whether that's discomfort or pain at seeing her pain, or a feeling that you "should" be able to make it better, or that you need to fix things for her, or feelings of disapproval about her "wallowing," etc.) so that you can really be there to witness her experience. See her.

    I can imagine how hard this is! Wow. This is one of those "in the trenches" mom-experiences!

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:45 AM on Jan. 13, 2013

  • I was in an on-again-off-again relationship for 5 years too, and when it ended I spent most of the next 3 days lying on the floor and crying (super pathetic, I know). But then I ran out of groceries, got the bills in the mail, and had to go back to work... and life went on. It can take a long time to heal from something like this (or she may bounce back quickly), but everyone who experiences heartbreak like this has to just get through it. At least I've learned a lot from this about myself and about relationships, and now (many years later) I'm honestly wiser and better because of it all.

    Answer by Sebbiemama at 7:39 PM on Jan. 12, 2013

  • She needs to go through this in order to learn how to cope. She is grieving the death of a relationship. There are levels of grief and she has to go through all of them in order to move on. She will be fine. Like others have said, it will take time. p.s. he didn't waste anything. We live and learn. Learning is never a waste of time.

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:16 PM on Jan. 12, 2013

  • She might need a little time and then when the pain has subsided she will hopefully be able to look at things objectively. Maybe find some interests that don't involve other people so that she can re-discover herself. All the better if she finds someone that has similar interests (meaning friends, not necessarily a love interest).

    Answer by QuinnMae at 3:05 PM on Jan. 12, 2013

  • On and off for 5 years? That means he wasted 5 years of her life. Maybe she should start being mad instead of sad!! She's missing out on the best years of her life!

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:22 PM on Jan. 12, 2013

  • Sometimes this happens. I loved my ex BF and we were on again / off again as well. When we finally broke up we were seeing each other once a week and sometimes once every two weeks. It wasn't enough for me (and honestly I knew he wasn't the one), so I ended it. It wasn't the kind of relationship I wanted. It was just comfortable. I finally realized I had to love myself before I could expect someone else to. It hurt for a while, but I eventually got past it. I met DH a few months later while at a friend's wedding and the rest is history. It definitely sucks though. Sometimes it feels like you will never be with someone else when you are feeling heart broken.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 2:22 PM on Jan. 12, 2013

  • She is 23...She'll learn

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 2:21 PM on Jan. 12, 2013

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