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Hurt by my mom, again.

my mom and i are close but she keeps hurting me. my sister (30) lives with my parents while her husband is deployed. her kids are 10 months & almost 3. she has been there this time since July. it is his second deployment.

my sister always makes sure to keep my mom busy by asking for constant help. my mom hasn't visited me in a long time due to my sis being there. well, my mom called last week and said she would come today and stay for a few days. so i called their home this morning to see what time they would arrive (she & my dad were coming). well, my dad says that they would ALL come around noon and that my mom wasn't staying because she had something to do Tuesday.

1. I didn't want my sister to come because MY KIDS deserve and WANT to see their grandma without their baby cousins monopolizing her!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. WTF. The thing my mom has to suddenly do Tuesday..you guessed it!!! she has to watch my sis's kids so my sis can go to a dance class.

I told my dad to FORGET IT. I didn't feel like seeing anybody today. This is NOT the first time my mom has blown us off when my sister needed her. My mom & sis are together everyday. My sis's kids get grandma everyday. Is a couple days too much to ask to have grandma here?

I am hurt and mad.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:12 PM on Jan. 13, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I suggest speaking to your mother CALMLY about your feelings. If you can't do that, then write a letter or email.
    I think they're, in their mind, simply helping out your sister. If you have a husband who is always there, or other support, then, in their mind, you don't need as much help. Just remind them that your children feel left out & need their grandparents too.

    However, I have to add that you are capable of visiting them too.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 12:23 PM on Jan. 13, 2013

  • You've been dealing with this for a while because I've read a few of your other posts. I really think it's time to sit Mom down and have an honest chat about why you wanted today to be just her and your Dad. And come clean about your sister being possessive of the parents to the point where it's ridiculous. Even if you have to have this chat WITH your sister in the room. If your mother doesn't get this and doesn't make any changes to the situation, she is then to blame. You will have a choice to take what she'll give or avoid her. But you need to have the talk. I'd be hurt too.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 12:19 PM on Jan. 13, 2013

  • BTW do you think you hurt your dad and mom by saying you didn't want to see any of them because it wasn't on your terms.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:11 PM on Jan. 13, 2013

  • Have you said anything to your mom or dad about how you feel?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:18 PM on Jan. 13, 2013

  • I am really sorry you are going through that! Have you tried talking to your mom about how you feel about things?
    JennieMarie1103

    Answer by JennieMarie1103 at 12:18 PM on Jan. 13, 2013

  • At least she's not blowing off you and your kids to go to the bar... my mom does that. They drive 8 hours to get here t visit. My dad wants to stay and hang out with the kids, but my mom needs her fix. She would rather stay at a hotel so she can go to different bars.

    But, even when I lived in the same town, my sister demanded more attention for herself and her kids than I did. Because of that, my mom always babysat, helped my sister and her dh move, etc. I guess I'm just not one to ask for things and my sister is. Idk if it's that way in your family too. I would talk to your mom or write her a letter and tell her how you feel. Like 3libras said, let her know that your kids feel left out. Hopefully she will listen to you and understand.
    anime_mom619

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 1:04 PM on Jan. 13, 2013

  • Sometimes people need to be in an experience to understand your point of view. That's what I find works. Rather than predicting it won't be a good visit, let it happen and right then and there have a conversation that will make the next visit better. Just a thought. GL
    tessiedawg

    Answer by tessiedawg at 1:06 PM on Jan. 13, 2013

  • I hear jealousy. She is getting more of your mother's attention.

    However it is selfish but not in a bad way unless you indulge it (your own feelings)

    Talk to your mother and tell her that you love your sister and the kids but you would like for your family to be able to spend some alone time with mom and dad/ grandma and grandpa.

    As far as the dance class, I bet she simply forgot. A person does not sign up for one class but a series and they are at the same time each week.

    On the other hand sometimes you take what you can get and you decide that this situation is not going t last forever. You decide that you will maintin a good relationship with your parents throughout his time (or not) and take what you can until things change.

    Sometime you may look back on this time and wish you had spent time with your parents and/ or your siter and family because you no longer see them. And that would be sad.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:10 PM on Jan. 13, 2013

  • Idk what you should do, OP. In my situation, I just gave up and told myself not to worry about things that I can't change. I'd tried my best and my mom wouldn't listen. I'm not sure it was the right way to handle it, but I had to do something. It hurt too much to let it get to me every time she blew us off.

    I would try again to talk to her if you can. Maybe this time write a letter, or maybe try talking to your dad about it and he can talk to your mom.
    anime_mom619

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 1:19 PM on Jan. 13, 2013

  • If you want your kids to see the grandparents, then go to them and spend time with them. So they have to share with their cousins? Big deal!

    I grew up with 40 cousins on my dad's side of the family. Not only did we share our grandmother, she didn't even remember most of our names! We were all "boy" and "girl." But we all had fun together and I cannot say I ever felt shortchanged by not having individual grandma time with her.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:14 PM on Jan. 13, 2013

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