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help, Child out of control any idea's or anyone been through this before?

My son Ethan is 4 years old and is out of control. He snaps and goes into raging angry violent fits, foams at the mouth spits and screams and his eyes go blank there isn't any talking to him. He's come after me with toys in his hands as weapons and beats the bloody hell out of his older brother and very intentionally tries to cause harm to my little Teigan (almost 14 mos) he's tore boards of his dresser siding off the wall holes in my doors purposely ruins the carpets. He goes into this slapping himself and scratching himself he will bang his head on the wall til his forehead is purple. He's been to the psychiatric ward and therapist after therapist with no results and no answer's and I am running out of steam and money. family of five with one income.. don't have the money in the first place.I need help or advice ladies please,

Exhausted and desperate mom to 3

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Asked by 21momof03 at 1:24 PM on Feb. 13, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (11)
  • I am soo sorry to hear you are having such a bad time with your son. I don't know if anything I say can help but I'll try. I would take all sugars out of his diet. You could try having a very strict routine. Maybe give him a chore to do and reward system. Can you get him in to a head start preschool program. That would give you a break that it sounds like you need. I hoped I helped. If you need to vent any time message me. My son is 10 and has tourettes, adhd, anxiety issues and ocd. I now it is difficult. Good luck and I will pray for your family.

    Answer by mndpfff at 1:49 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • My daughter had alot of the same issues although not to the extreme that your dealing with. What worked for us was being very strict with rules, she needed to know exactly what the conseuences were for bad behavior and we had to be consisant. (so easy to say, so hard to do). When she would come after me or her sister with her fists, I would give her a bop bag telling her that if she wanted to hit she could only hit the bop bag. She also got lots of attention and special trips to the store, walks with mom, etc.... for good behavior.
    Good luck to you.

    Answer by dle4125 at 4:32 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • I would take him to be tested. You need a psychologist, not a therapist. You might also try a neurologist. My eldest used to go into fits where she would scream and kick holes in the wall, beat her head against the wall and generally terrorize everyone. She would get that blank stare and nothing you could say would get through to her. After being put on Risperdal, and being diagnosed with bipolar, everything started to click. Therapy actually started to work and we knew how to handle her fits. She has gone 3.5 years without a fit and is a much easier child to deal with.

    Answer by yakara77 at 5:09 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • I agree with yakara. Something doesn't sound right psychologically. You need a child psychiatrist/psychologist for an accurate diagnosis and then you can treat. Was there any childhood trauma? Until you get the proper medical attention, really watch for the safety of the other kids and you can try the strict routine but you need help from a professional. Good luck, hang in there.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 6:06 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • I agree with Yakara and jeanclaudia, a visit to a child psychiatrist is urgent. Your child could very well be bi-polar or even odd (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) which 2of my boys have, as well as add/adhd or something else. A professional MD (not just someone whith a PHD but an MD who can prescribe meds) is who you need to see. Also, check with your local welfare office, you may be able to get a medical card for your son once he has a diagnosis and then you won't have any bills. If you have a teaching hospital near you, even better, there are more resources there. When I took my son when he was 3, the Psych diagnosed him in under 5 min. I will pray for you and your son. This is a difficult time, I know. Keep in mind you need to take a break and care for yourself as well, this is very very important!

    Answer by Dianne1259 at 4:15 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • Definitely professional help! A great book that may help is called KIDS, PARENTS, AND POWER STRUGGLES by Mary Sheedy Kurchina. I have a very intense and sometimes violent little guy and this was recommended by his therapist. Well worth the $10.

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 7:06 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • Snatch that little bastard up and whoop his ass and call it a day

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:24 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • You did not mention whether or not your child had other developmental delays. Does your son have speech problems? Often, children will have "fits" if they are frustrated because they cannot get across to others what they need or want. If this is your son's problem, first help him find a way to communicate with others. Using sign language, pictures of objects or words to help him show others what he wants. Next, have him evaluated to see if he is eligible for speech therapy or has other delays in his development or a diagnosis. Best to you!

    Answer by LovetoTeach247 at 9:46 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • Put some leather in his life as using a belt to whip his ass and those stunts will soon stop!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:39 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • I agree with LovetoTeach247!!!

    Your child needs to be seen by a NEURO-DEVELOPMENTAL PEDIATRICIAN! I do NOT recommend seeing a DAN! (Defeat Autism Now) doctor--they have a whole set of agenda issues! Don't waste your time or money on visits to a psychiatrist/psychologist or counselor at this juncture. Your child doesn't need to talk about his "feelings" he needs to be evaluated for critical developmental delays.

    Both of my children have Autism--Aspergers, and high-functioning Autism/PDD, and when they were 2-3 years old had INCREDIBLE raging fits--all because they were unable to express their frustration. When they were calm we were able to figure out what the problem was and addressed it.

    I have NOT resorted to medication, but with regular speech therapy, special education preschool and elementary school programs, strong parental involvement, and RDI Therapy we are making incredible strides in their development!

    Answer by LoriKeet at 11:09 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

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