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2 Bumps

Is a relationship less meaningful if you are not married?

My boyfriend's Grandma and I do NOT get along at all! That's a whole other story though. Well my boyfriend was talking to her on the phone yesterday and she told him our relationship means nothing because we aren't married. We plan on getting married. Anyone can see how in love we are with each other!

Answer Question

Asked by JennieMarie1103 at 4:49 PM on Jan. 14, 2013 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,321 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • Your relationship is meaningful to you. And only you get to decide what getting married will add to your relationship, or not. What does the grandma know?

    Answer by Ballad at 4:51 PM on Jan. 14, 2013

  • How long have you been together?

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 4:53 PM on Jan. 14, 2013

  • We have been together a little over 2 years and we have a 1 year old son together.

    Comment by JennieMarie1103 (original poster) at 5:00 PM on Jan. 14, 2013

  • No, I don't think not being married makes a relationship less MEANINGFUL. I think getting married confers certain "meaning" to the relationship in terms of what it implies about the commitment, but a large part of that is a community/cultural thing. In terms of meaning, personal experience is what matters.
    Of course, different people will attach meaning differently. Some will not value, respect or take seriously what you value, sometimes simply because you have not "institutionalized" your relationship.
    Your grandmother's comment that your relationship "means nothing" should have included the words "to me" because that's really what she was expressing. She's telling you about her values, beliefs, judgments & opinions when she says that (and she just happens to be speaking globally rather than personally.)
    It's also true that those words may have been less about what she really thinks/believes, and more about upset feelings.

    Answer by girlwithC at 5:02 PM on Jan. 14, 2013

  • some people will make it an issue, even if you had been together for fifty years

    does not matter to you
    but some people make things their business no matter what

    Answer by fiatpax at 5:02 PM on Jan. 14, 2013

  • and assume that "grandma" is older and from another generation where people did not live together before marriage

    this is grandma's issue- and you can not try to own it, so take this off your shoulders and pass it back to granny
    try not to judge the granny, she knows nothing else

    Answer by fiatpax at 5:05 PM on Jan. 14, 2013

  • Maybe she has other reasons to think its not meaningful, other than not being married. I bet it has something to do with WHY the two of you don't get along.

    Answer by dullscissors at 5:20 PM on Jan. 14, 2013

  • I personally wanted to be married, so I wouldn't want to be in an indefinite dating relationship. For me, it would be less meaningful.
    But there are plenty of happy, healthy couples who are not married and plenty of married couples who are miserable and hate each other. I wonder how much meaning unhappy marriages have?
    Not that it matters anyway, because the only ones who can feel meaning in your relationship is you and your boyfriend. She should stay out of it.

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 5:47 PM on Jan. 14, 2013

  • Being married or not being married doesn't mean that your relationship is more or less meaningful. There are plenty of people who have lasting, committed relationships that aren't married and plenty of people that hate each other that are married.

    If the relationship has meaning to you, then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it.

    Answer by alf2651 at 8:04 PM on Jan. 14, 2013

  • Marriage has nothing to do with how valuable the relationship is. it might have meant it in the old days but nowadays you can be married and miserable just remember that. Stay away from grandma and good luck

    Answer by lizzybee44 at 11:52 PM on Jan. 14, 2013

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