Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Husband has secret e-mail

My husband and I have been married a little over a year and a half. He's in the military so we've only lived together about 8 1/2 months out of that - been together 2 years before he enlisted in the civilian world. When we were at our first station about 6 months after we got married i found dirty e-mails to another girl (no physical, just online). I was on his hotmail looking for a bill confirmation (i take care of the finances and some are in his name) and i saw another e-mail address and that's how i found the e-mails. Well i went to his student loan website to get his interest tax form and found a completely different aol account i've never heard of. I'm worried this could be the same situation as last time and I have no idea how to approach it. I don't want to freak out but I want my nerves calmed. What should I do?

Answer Question

Asked by navywife36 at 8:28 AM on Jan. 15, 2013 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Print out the email and ask him what's up, he's probably going to lie. Good luck,

    Answer by funlovinlady at 8:40 AM on Jan. 15, 2013

  • you can ask him
    ]he will lie most likely (cheaters lie)
    you can swallow his lies and wait until next time you find him doing the same or worse
    or you can react to the situation that is in your face now and was issue in past
    past, present and .... the future
    this is his pattern
    he is what he is...
    can he change, not likely, but small chance
    first he needs to admit it
    and do something to chance
    if he denies whole thing.. he will never change ever

    sorry, you have to go through this, hope you do not have child together (in case you decide to cut losses and start a new)
    good luck

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:24 AM on Jan. 15, 2013

  • ask first dont assume. AOL is old and it may be an old email he used back then

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 9:44 AM on Jan. 15, 2013

  • I smell a rat. Don't be shy, doll...gather the 'evidence' and have a sitdown with him. Go with your gut.

    Answer by dullscissors at 10:55 AM on Jan. 15, 2013

  • i dated someone who did the exact same thing, when i confronted him about it he denied it of course...but after me being stubborn on not letting it go he told me he would get rid of the other account. and he did. i felt bad later though simply because the trust bond was broken, i was afraid that he would just create another account but i didn't want to snoop and play investigator.....its really hard to be with someone you really care about and to see them "cheat" on you. it truly puts a bad taint in the relationship. Later down the road i found out that he did have another account made- and he was talking to random girls on some dating site. I hat to cut him loose, but i told him this- "I want a man who wants to be with me and no one else, maybe when your done playing your games we can talk again but i cant live my life like this, you would not like it if you found me doing this to you." im sorry you have to go through this...

    Answer by shanaynaycowell at 7:04 PM on Jan. 15, 2013

  • also im not sure if you have seen what is in the account, it may have nothing bad in it........but i dont know

    Answer by shanaynaycowell at 7:07 PM on Jan. 15, 2013

  • I would not say anything cause if you do he will lie, than delete the account, create another one or find other ways to have his secret life. Just stay aware to any changes and eventually everything will come out on its own.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 7:09 PM on Jan. 15, 2013

  • I Hate men.

    Answer by staciandababy at 7:25 PM on Jan. 15, 2013

  • ask him to open in in front of you, or sign in saying you have forgotten the password, I would vote for email address in hand then sitting him down and finding out exactly what is in there, if he refuses then he is up to something.

    Answer by jerseydiva at 7:31 PM on Jan. 15, 2013

  • Aol is very old, I agree with lostsoul, so instead of presuming, have a conversation with your husband, communication is everything in a successful relationship, and working through things openly, in saying that be clear with what is and isn't ok with you, and say what you mean and mean what you say!!! You set the benchmark and rules for you marriage now in the early years, if you put up with certain behaviours now for the most part they will carry through your whole relationship, all the best with this.

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 7:33 PM on Jan. 15, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.