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How can I handle my daughter without being afraid she will start cutting herself again?

I have a 14 year old daughter and i just found out 2 weeks ago she has been cutting herself.I understand why she is doing it and we have talked and I have her in counseling once a week.But when I need to lay rules down she gets all upset and feels like no one trusts her or loves her.I am afraid to say anything because I do not want her to be hurting herself.It hurts me so much knowing she is cutting herself and I worry about her.But as I parent I also know there has to be rules and I should not let her make the rules because I am afraid she will hurt herself.What can I do?

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GinGin625

Asked by GinGin625 at 8:33 AM on Jan. 15, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • My daughter is/was a cutter and so was I.

    I just want to say that she is most likely going to cut again. It's a fact. It takes a long time for them to learn other ways of coping- and actually put those to use, and even then there will be times that they cut. It's a long road.
    You cannot allow this to have control over you though. Keep the rules you feel are important and keep an eye on her when you feel she may cut. Let her know that this is not going to control the family, you guys are going to learn to control the cutting. Together.
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:57 AM on Jan. 15, 2013

  • She's manipulative. Have you/father gone to counseling, too?
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 10:47 AM on Jan. 15, 2013

  • before she starting cutting herself we were laying down rules and maybe a little to strict.Then we realized we had to back off some.So we did and now its like she wants it all her way.And I am afraid to discipline.One example I have...The other day my daughter wanted a friend over I said ok.I was to write a note that day so my daughter could have it for school the next day. I went to take a nap and got back up.It was only 2pm. As soon as I came out of the room,my daughter says "my friend is upset that you have not wrote the note for her to ride bus home with me" I said how does your friend know that. I just wanted to say "you know what I will not have someone act like that because I have not jump right on it when you two wanted me to, now she is not coming over" I said nothing wrote the note and gave it to her.
    GinGin625

    Comment by GinGin625 (original poster) at 8:53 AM on Jan. 15, 2013

  • You have to have rules for her. So I would say to go ahead and make your rules and then be super vigilant for a while. To do otherwise is to allow her to manipulate you and you cannot allow that.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:51 AM on Jan. 15, 2013

  • Are you sure she's not using this as a way to try to get you to go easy on her? That was my first thought. If she's seeing a therapist, I'd talk to them and ask them for suggestions on how you can set rules and be an effective parent without worrying that she will cut herself.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:44 AM on Jan. 15, 2013

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