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Could I possibly be being selfish in this? I'm considering it, but not yet ready to give in.

I just found out that my youngest child qualifies for disability, I have one child already on disability because she is MRDD. My youngest is mild MRDD, PDD with autistic like features and ADHD. I work part time but have a terrible time getting baby sitters in the summer when they kids are not in school. They both go to a school for MRDD. I have them in summer programs, both get therapies and my youngest sees a psychologist and a therapist, so I am constantly having to take them to appointments. Not to mention the neurology appointments and then constantly being called at work by the school because my youngest has hit or bitten a student or teacher or done something else equally as bad. The sperm doner doesn't help with any of this and sees the kids for 1 hour every Saturday. He currently pays $2oo.oo a month in CS. The disability really helps me out a lot but now the sperm doner says that if my son is getting disability too then he should not have to pay the CS anymore.
He told me that if I don't go to JFS and ask to have it dropped that he will take me to court and have it dropped and make me pay the court fees since he is unemployed. So far his father has been paying his CS for him and he says its not fair of me to expect his father to have to pay that money when I don't need it.
The sperm doner says he cant and wont work because of his anxiety but refuses to apply for disability because he thinks that will make him look like less of a man, which makes no sense to me, but what ever.
I think he should have to pay something, even if its 10 bucks a month, or else he needs to give up his parental rights all together. Is that selfish of me? If you were in my shoes how might you handle this?


Asked by Anonymous at 9:06 AM on Jan. 16, 2013 in Money & Work

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • apply for disability and dont say a word to the sperm donor about it.
    If he finds out dare him to stop paying and take him to court. A judge will never agree with him

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 9:24 AM on Jan. 16, 2013

  • I agree...and as far as not looking like a man, not supporting and taking care of his children makes him look like less of a man.

    Answer by ohwrite at 9:29 AM on Jan. 16, 2013

  • Talk to a lawyer, however receiving disability is not an excess for not supporting your children. It is not your fault his father is paying his CS,  it's his. Don't let him scare you. It costs more to raise children than what disability pays, it's only intended to be a supplement. He is still responsible for helping to finance his children's upbringing. 


    Answer by RyansMom001 at 9:52 AM on Jan. 16, 2013

  • Sperm donor is an idiot. The courts won't drop child support if you apply for disability especially if he refuses to get a job or apply for disability himself. Do what you need to to support your children.

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 9:44 AM on Jan. 16, 2013

  • lol so he wants the government to provide for his kids instead of himself nice. Ugh!

    Answer by macbudsmom at 11:06 AM on Jan. 16, 2013

  • My kids were receiving ssi when my ex and i divorced. The judge did lower his child support amount based on my getting the kids ssi. But he did still have to pay something!

    Answer by missanc at 9:35 AM on Jan. 16, 2013

  • Fathers should pay for their children period. Honestly, he should be paying a lot more than he already does. Don't tell him.

    Answer by 3libras at 10:57 AM on Jan. 16, 2013

  • Real Men pay for their children. At this moment he could not possibly look like LESS of a man... if I stripped his pants off I'd expect him to look like my naked Ken doll did.

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:43 PM on Jan. 16, 2013

  • lol@naked ken doll Thanks for the advice ladies

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:33 PM on Jan. 17, 2013

  • Do not let him sign over his parental rights, in some state this is not allowed unless you have another parental figure to say they will help care and support the child.
    No matter how much money your get or from where, he is still responsible for providing some support for his children.

    Answer by SassySue123 at 7:58 PM on Jan. 22, 2013