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2 Bumps

Why do I feel like the bad guy? Breifly, married for 33yrs,

and today I called 911 on my husband. He had knocked my glasses off my face and the when i was entering our bedroom he shoved me into the halll. I am not injured or brusied.  I did not get in his face, touch or even yell at him. I was trying to avoid the agument, yet he kept saying stuff to try and get me worked up, but i wouldnt. I have been telling him the last several months how i dont like drama, and i refuse to continue tthis while 90 percent of the time hes mad and not talking to me. Many years ago at time s our agruing became physciall, however, i never called the police. Today, i did because he thinks i would not call but i had to show him no more. Now he is in jail. And will be there a few because he had a warrant that i did not know about, for driving on a suspended license and fta to work project! I dont know what is going to happen. Should i plan on moving out? Its hard emotionally to, but mostly i am broke, dependent on husbnd. Any comments, etc?

 
dmr73059

Asked by dmr73059 at 5:20 AM on Jan. 17, 2013 in Relationships

Level 12 (825 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I probably would wait and do nothing right now. You never know how things might turn out. Sometimes, an incident like this one will be the very thing that causes a person to realize he/she really needs some help. If that is what happens here, I would want to be around to protect my 33-year investment in my marriage. People do change--even after 33 years or even 40 years. It doesn't sound like your husband is dangerous, but he does need to work through some issues. You can't make that happen, but you can encourage him if you are still a part of his life. I know that I am more stubborn than most, but I would not give up just yet!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:41 AM on Jan. 17, 2013

  • group hug  hugs

    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 6:43 AM on Jan. 17, 2013

  • if you have a joint account, he is in jail- claen it out and get out before he is released. If you have to go to a shelter for now, DO IT
    Good For you for standing yoru ground, that takes guts.
    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 8:04 AM on Jan. 17, 2013

  • No, you're not going anywhere. It's YOUR house.
    Take measures to find a job, and keep your home, He will have to leave. You are also going to go to the courthouse and file a Protection From Abuse order, and he will not be allowed back in the house.
    Show this tough motherfucker who's boss.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:34 PM on Jan. 17, 2013

  • Your story pretty much sums it up. Years of fighting, abuse and obviously more pain than happiness. If you heard this coming from a friend or family member, would you want them to do what they can to get away and find happiness? Of course you would! You also sound very tired of settling for this crap for so many years. The good part is that you're the only one that can change your situation by leaving. He doesn't sound happy either so why not let each find their happiness elsewhere? People change and I would say that you both have given it your best for so many years and now it's time to move on to a new chapter. Before you leave though, find a job somewhere, anywhere. You may have to give up a lot of things, downsize to renting a room or moving in with family but so what? As long as you're happy, other opportunities will come to you when you're not drained from fighting. You'll learn from this that you CAN be independent.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 6:24 AM on Jan. 17, 2013

  • I will be the first to say that it's easier said than done but that shouldn't stop you from leaving. Remember back to before you met him. You didn't need him back then, so yes you can start over again. You've had independence before, you just forgot about it. Start looking to find an affordable room for rent, which is way cheaper than an apartment. You might also consider a job as a live-in nanny -- free room in exchange for watching kids and housekeeping. It's at least a start and you wouldn't be alone living there either. I know lots of people who've done this. Once you get a job, set up your own secret online savings/checking account. Find a bank that allows completely online communications so no mail goes there and you can plan your departure with some money saved. If you have family that can allow you to stay with them, go for it. Find a few used self-help books or check them out from the library.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 6:33 AM on Jan. 17, 2013

  • The books will give you strength when it feels like you can't talk to anyone. Join a support group or a hobby group to build up your support system. Give yourself time to adjust. Yes you may cry and feel like your world has turned upside down for a while but eventually it DOES get better. Do what you can to distract yourself from having too much time alone with your thoughts. In fact, it may even hit two birds with one stone to work a lot, that way you're distracted and being productive at the same time. If you're too old to work, maybe volunteer at a shelter or nursing home. Helping other people in worse situations may even help you realize that it's not as bad as you thought. Avoid things that may bring back memories or emotions, like sappy radio songs or movies. Surround your environment with positive music and people. Pretty soon, months fly by and you'll realize that you're actually happier without him.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 6:42 AM on Jan. 17, 2013

  • I'm sorry this has to be hard.  You shouldn't feel guilty these were his choices.  However you're going to have to find someway to create income for yourself.  You're not alone there are many women who have been in the same situation and there is help available.  Try to find organizations in your area that can offer you assistance while you get on your feet. 

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 6:44 AM on Jan. 17, 2013

  • At the very least open a checking account in your name only. Then try this link  http://www.positivelyminnesota.com/JobSeekers/Find_a_Job/Targeted_Employment_Services/Homemakers_Returning_to_Work.aspx#   if you get to keep the house rent rooms to other ladies in your situation. do you qualify for SS?

    sunshine196

    Answer by sunshine196 at 5:10 PM on Jan. 17, 2013

  • There are some online jobs that pay and are legitimate. Convergys pays 9 dollars an hour. Call 211 and ask for your local DV shelter they can offer you help making a safety plan, finding a job, low cost housing and help you apply for any services for which you may qualify. Good for you I am glad you called the police. Indeed.com has some jobs and Simply hired.com. Good luck to you.
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 8:46 PM on Jan. 17, 2013

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