Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What Else Do You Take Away From You Child When Their Room And Social LIfe has Been Emptyed ?

Was Grounded For Not Doing Homework And Getting An F In Math. When She Was Asked About Having Homework She Said She Didn't Have Any, Leaving at School Cause Mom Checks Her Bag. Me And Her Dad Have Taken Everything From Her including The Phone,TV, Friends, And her Favorite Things. Yet She Continues To Not Listen. I Have Told her That I Am Not Punishing Her Because, I Don't Love Her I Am Only Doing It Because I Care And I Love Her. She is Just Not Getting It. And I Don't Know What Else To Do. I Am Asking This Question For A Friend. And She Need Advice.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:38 PM on Feb. 13, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (15)
  • woww ... how old is this poor gr? ... i have NEVER been grounded, wen my dad told me i was i didnt kno what he meant , than he said nevermind .. i could NEVER take away all my childs things just for something that can be corrected ...
    tha-hawt-mommie

    Answer by tha-hawt-mommie at 3:44 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • I'm in the same boat with my 12 year old. She's got nothing left to take away; it's been that way for a while, and it hasn't made any difference. She has recently been diagnosed with adhd and started taking meds, but it's too early to know if it is helping. My husband and I are also taking a Love & Logic parenting class and hoping to get some ideas from that. Also, visiting with the child's teachers and school counselor can be a positive step.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:47 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • It's tough to be a mom sometimes doesn't it. I have a sophm. in hs, and two in college. With my youngest what works best is to take away one(a) or two(a,b) things for a specific length of time. If whatever is not bettered in that time - be it attitude or something material like chores, homework - then (c) punishment is added and the length of punishment time is longer. and if there's still more additional problem of attitude continued true nastiness on top of the original punishment and the last punishment -- then -- punishment (d) is added. I tell my youngest that the type and length of punishment is decided by them NOT me. When I've done this, laddering punishment, I've rarely gotten to (c) and never to (d). But by explaining this laddering at the begginning of a problem AND following through on it makes my kid believe responsibility to themselves and others is necessary. You can still ladder now, it's restructuring
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • If the child has nothing to do or watch, what is she doing after school? I was a good student but I had a friend who wasn't. Her parents did the same thing to her. If she had no homework, they made stuff up for her to do like chores. But they also called her teachers every week and checked into any assignments she was going to have for the week. They made sure she did that. She had to do her homework every night, go over it with her parents and then study for any remaining time. When he finally started showing improvements in her grades, she would get one thing back. When she continued to show improvement for another week, she would get something else back. The first time is started slipping again though, they took everything away. The key is being on top of things as a parent. Since the child has shown he or she can't be trusted, you have to supervise them like the child they are representing themselves as.
    DDry

    Answer by DDry at 3:55 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Sounds like instead of taking things away you need to take charge of her schooling. Tell her that until she can prove that she can be honest about school work you and her are going to go to every one of her classes and talk to the teacher every day to check if she actually has homework. Then check her locker every day so she doesn't forget anything. The embarrassment of you walking with her from class to class should be enough to have her change her ways. Make her bring ever single book home. make her study in subjects even if she doesn't have homework.

    It's a lot of work for you, but her education is worth it.
    Cassieniccole

    Answer by Cassieniccole at 5:03 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Does she have a planner for school? Our 15 year old dd does. She wasn't doing her assignments, so I started having her write all of her homework in her planner (with a PEN, not pencil so she can't erase it). Then her teachers have to sign it each day.
    Littlebit722

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 7:05 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • My sophmore son spent the whole first half of this school year telling me he was doing his homework in study hall, the 5 week reports came and even though his lowest grade was an 83 it said he had HW missing in most classes so we took his video games and limited computer and tv to one hour each a day until report card, which came still saying he had HW missing! More punishment and I am not afraid to bribe so offered $1 for each point raised BUT it would cost him $1 for each point dropped- the second report card came and he owed me a dollar, some went up some down! But he still has the missing HW comment so now he has to have every teacher sign his agenda every day and I emailed the teachers and they are all on board with it. If he doesn't get a signature his cell phone is off for 30 minutes per class not signed. And I am checking the assignments daily.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 8:28 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • My son is about to turn ten in July and we had something similar happen last year. He seemed apathetic and simply not interested in school, his attitude was terrible. I would talk to him and he would look at me with such anger......it was killing me! We tried everything your friend did, taking things away, etc..nothing seemed to work. What finally worked was simply listening to him. I sat him down and just asked him what was going on....it took a while, but he eventually let it out. What to him seemed an unbelievable obstacle, (he simply wasn't getting along with his teacher) took a visit to the school to take care of. He now is a "B" and "C" average student, and while it did not happen over night, the simple act of listening to him and following through with doing what I could (within reason) to help him turned him around. Sometimes we need to give our kids the chance to tell us what's going on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:17 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Have you considered that the reason the child has an F in math is because she doesn't understand it and could use some extra help? The mere fact that no amount of punishment is helping is a good indication that the child is unable to do what is being asked of her - Perhaps having her evaluated by the school to see if there is a learning disability involved would be a good idea? Some LDs don't show up until the work becomes more challenging, especially if the child is very bright, because they can hide the disability longer. Have the girl tested, all she may need is some simple accomodations and, voila', good grades again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • Talk to the child. Maybe they are just not getting it and don't want to admit it. If it looks like it is a rebellion thing, try this for 1 day, Take away everything ELECTRICONIC. I mean the electricity to do her hair, heat her food, hot water to shower, all of it. It worked when my oldest was a sophmore. It took 1 day for my son to jump back to the brain child that applies himself. Most importantly, keep talking with them, not to them, tell them you need and want to understand what is going on, life is a learning process for all of us everyday. Good Luck.
    fragglemom

    Answer by fragglemom at 7:49 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN