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3 month old baby, pregnant agian, father does not want a relationship??? I need comfort & advise?

Very long story, but after dateing a man long distance( even though we grew up in the same town) he was going to end the relationship, then ooops, I was pregnant,He stepped up and faced the pregnancy with me. He said he felt I was attractive, smart, good qualities & wanted to give the relationship a try in a honest way. Not just because I was pregnant. Over the pregnancy . Long distance, he stayed in contact everyday, we spent time together, and he said he loved me, called me his baby, told me I was a beautiful bbaby mama, really showed he cared & loved me. His daughter and my children all became involved..I stayed with him for a few months and had the baby with himin his home ( well the hospital) he never shyer away from his responsibility, and is a wonderful father. Then I came home where I work and am raising the baby on my own. He still stayed in contact and has been in to spend time with his son, but after the baby was born he said his feelings for me are not the same, he does not have the connection . But he wants to continue to do what we have been, he loves and cares for me and wants to support me because he knows our distance can't allow him to help me with the baby, ..but, he can't be what I need in a relationship, ..even tho he still text me everyday & ask how I am and how the baby is, and tries to offer advise when I'm having a challenge. He wants me to move to his city and find a good job so he can be more help to me,he's offered for me to move in with him, stay in a different bedroom, untill I could get on my feet and move out. .he feels I'll have more freedom and help with the baby from him, Now, he's the real kicker, we have had sex once after the baby was born, unprotected, he ( pulled out). Sorry for the graphic detail, but I'm pregnant agian!!!! Well first thing he said was abortion! Then he said he felt it may not be his! I said its laughable to even think I have time to jump into
Someone elese bed.! I said I give him proof, he said he did not want it, he did not say he did not believe me, it was just rational logical thinking,, well hcalled today and said its irresponsible to have the baby, and I can't, and it's not going to change our relationship, that he does not feel the connection for me and we will never have a future together..but he still wants to support me and help with his son, be my friend! I told him I can't handle him meeting me half way, it hurts to bad...he said he wish I quit brushing off the fact he's being invest with me and does not want a relationship, so I'm hurt, torn, confused, I can hardly be a single mom for three kids ( age 15,10 &. 3months) have a full time job and a guy who does not want me anymore...I don't know what to do!?!?!?! I'm very depressed..very, hurting, lost, feel alone,,he's offered to pay for the abortion and take me, but said, I wish I had something to say, but I don't, sorry,, life happens, it sucks. You push forwards. You'll be fine.. ..4 months ago he said, Nik we will get through this chin up, I love you!!! Please some advise????Do I try to win this an back? He's afraid I'll keep his son away too.

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NikkiD77

Asked by NikkiD77 at 11:07 PM on Jan. 17, 2013 in Relationships

Level 3 (17 Credits)
Answers (23)
  • Why in the hell would you want anything to do with this man?????

    He wasn't involved if he were long distance! Then to offer you a room until you find your own place!!! REALLY!
    Do you know how stupid that sounds?

    You want advice? Get on Birth Control and take responsibility of your actions!
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 11:12 PM on Jan. 17, 2013

  • Here's the kicker? You had sex with him again... even though you knew what he was like? I think the best thing you can do is face the fact that you are in this by YOURSELF for the long run. Contact an attorney, get custody, file for child support and get on with your life while you still can. Go back to school, get an education and give these children a great life.....by YOURSELF!!!
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 11:13 PM on Jan. 17, 2013

  • At first I thought I reading something from a naive 18 year old, then I read that you have kids who are 10 and 15!! Dammit, woman you are old enough to know better! I hope you teach your kids to make better choice than you have!
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 11:22 PM on Jan. 17, 2013

  • Ugh, well I was on the mini pill(birth control) I have a collage degree, and federal job..so I have that much together. So the likely hood I got pregnant, agian? and he did not completely flake on me untill real recently. He is giving me financial support, & is coming in and taking his son once a month..his mother lives here & helps when she can. I'm tied to him family , and they support me..but it's still his family.
    NikkiD77

    Comment by NikkiD77 (original poster) at 11:22 PM on Jan. 17, 2013

  • Oh, and you know , yes I'm 35..was done having kids, did not think I was being completely irresponsible the first time..and ya know what, the guy really stepped up,, and I thought wow, this going to be ok, he was in it with me , still is concerning his son..and I would not take this baby back for nothing! He's amazing..but seriously, sex one time, pregnant agian,,and the father was a real stand up good loving man, until after the baby was born,, but when we did the deed agian, we were still sorta in a relationship, at least I thought. Guess we weren't.
    NikkiD77

    Comment by NikkiD77 (original poster) at 11:27 PM on Jan. 17, 2013

  • Ya'll need to b gettin sum sterilization dun up in thar
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 11:27 PM on Jan. 17, 2013

  • Collage

    Should be College.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 11:35 PM on Jan. 17, 2013

  • I do not know what to say. I realize that people get desperate for any semblance of love but really, you are too old for us to truely feel sorry for immature actions. I am sorry. I have no consoling words.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:58 PM on Jan. 17, 2013

  • Yup, your right, it's College,,that was a typo from my texting,, Wow, ya know, I respect everyone's opinion,,but I thought this was a place for understanding. I know I have been irresponsible to a degree, but I was seriously involved with this man, We shared a relationship like a marriage despite the distance. I was married before and had two children, I went back to 'College', and worked hard for my Bachlors degree, busted but to get a good paying career , I support my children and give them the best care I can. I'm a single mom who does her best and I would not take back my 3 month baby for anything. I love him very much, The father is committed to his son, but decided not to me anymore, other than wants to be there for me as a friend. This is hard because I do love him,,and we realy work well together..this new challenge of the pregnancy, agian, would bring anyone down to their knees who his trying to survive.
    NikkiD77

    Comment by NikkiD77 (original poster) at 12:03 AM on Jan. 18, 2013

  • I did not come here for pity, I am quite aware that I've made some bad choices, I will take responsibility on my own, as I always have, I was on the pill the first time. My son at the time was 10yrs old. so I think it's a safe assumption to say that I was 'responsible' and just happen to be the .1% when I became pregnant with my 3 month old. I am human, I do seek companionship, but this time I became pregnant. The likely hood of it happening agian, I was told by my doctor that Brest feeding & the mini pill was a safe bet not to get pregnant agian, So I'm not here for pity, I came hear seeking some actual good advise, not to be put further down.b
    NikkiD77

    Comment by NikkiD77 (original poster) at 12:15 AM on Jan. 18, 2013

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