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Adoption?

I am pregnant with multiples and am having a very hard time right now. I am barely getting by with my first son and do not have much family support with the ones on the way.. absolutely no support from the fathers side and the father is in a long term rehab facility and possibly facing more jail time..my sister is the only person really willing to help me with the babies when they come.. but she works 2 jobs and goes to school.. and has a relationship I feel bad even accepting her help. I am just really confused... I'd like to hear from women who have given there babies up for adoption.. and women who have maybe gotten through something similar to my situation.. if thats possible :o/. I really can't see me being able to go through with adoption.. but I also think they deserve the best and maybe I can't give it to them all alone. I am a wonderful mommy.. just the father changed completely when he found out about twins.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:36 PM on Feb. 13, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (16)
  • I can't really help you other than to offer you my prayers as you go through all your options. That would have to be a very difficult position to be in and I'll be praying for you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:44 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Same here...praying for you.I think maybe look into some couseling to help you make this huge choice.Your hormones are raging and a decision that seems right now, may not be waht you choose later and then it is too late.Let me say this, there is no shame in sayoing"I want them to have better than I can give them" and giving them to a loving home.Do not let others make you feel bad honey.The fact that you are considering the welfare of your kids, before your own heart breaking tells me you are a good mom, and someday you will feel/see that too. (hugs)
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 4:48 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • I have 3 cousins that are adopted and they all had a great life. I think it is a great gift to give someone a child to love. It has to be incredibly hard on the mom, we all make sacrifices everyday for our children, but to be so selfless and offer them up to a better life despite the hurt we feel is a gift beyond imagine. I would love to adopt a child someday. I have had the experience of having a child and would like another baby and I think it would be awesome to adopt a baby. In your heart you will find the answer. I will say a prayer for you!!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 5:05 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Thank you ladies....I know I have the love to give.. and even money wise I am struggeling but we would probably make due... its just everything else that comes along with having kids.. I would hate for my toddler to feel ignored because his 2 new brothers need all of mommies attention...and I could never give them the life I gave him.. I mean I guess I COULD but would be hard to breast feed 2 babies all day with a 18month old running around who needs me as well. This is the hardest decision I have ever had to make. Heck I always said I wanted to adopt someday.. and yet I'm in a situation where I am considering it...its breaking my heart even thinking about it. My sister freaked out when I mentioned it.. saying she'd recruit help...but I can't rely on people I do not even know! I doubt I will do it.. just need to talk about it
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • ANON, I am a FIRSTMOM, EVEN THOUGH i AM SURE YOU COULD HANDLE IT, PLEASE DO NOT BE SO QUICK TO JOIN "THE FIRSTMOMS CLUB", It is indeed a lonely heartbreaking place. Yes we servive and manage...but day to day, some with great difficulty. I too relinquished TWIN SONS, if I could stop 1 person such as yourself, just maybe I could feel like not ALL was for nothing. Please PM, me I will listen, but more importantly HEAR. I will answer any questions you may feel you need an answer too. HOW far along are you? You have as MUCH TIME as you wish. You do not have to sign immediately. You can try to parent for a while(1 week 1 month, as long as you feel it would take to be sure), this adoption thing, is permanent, you cannot UN-RING A BELL! Blessings..C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 5:36 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • That is why I am talking about it... I don't think I could give them up once I have met them.. I loved my son the second I laid eyes on him..and I cry when he just goes to his grandmothers house I miss him so much. My mom has been trying to talk me into it.. she is not supportive at all..she actually already picked out a family from my brothers soccer games!!!! I was so hurt when she told me these people desperately want my unborn boys and that they could give them a wonderful life. My Dr. thinks maybe 2 more weeks.. they have dropped and are in position....I hope they come soon as long as they are healthy.. which their weight was pretty good last week. Im just sick to my stomache of the thought.. but scared to death
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:45 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • As an adoptive mother, don't feel pressure to make a family for us. It is not your job to help us build a family. If it is a decision that you come to on your own and there is no other option, then think about placing, but don't let a family pressure you. Don't meet them before you make a decision-it is pressure that you do not need.
    Good luck in your decision.
    luckyshamrock

    Answer by luckyshamrock at 6:34 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Can you look past the first year?? What do you see your life like? Can you ahndle it once you get past the initial shock of multiples?? It sounds like the things that you are worried about are such temporary things!! Who cares if you breast feed them....get on WIC and feed them formula. Accept help from anyone willing to give it if it means you get to kerep your babies...there are lots of women, especailly at your local church, who would LOVE to come over for a few hours and rock a baby or throw in a load of laundry!
    As far as your son feeling ignored, that is something that EVRY mom goes through with her second preganany. There is no way that you will be able to treat them each the same, and that is OK!! You need to allow yourself to be less-than-perfect, and accept any help that is given to you!
    AND --- Don't let another family pressure you into helping them build their family....It's not your job!!
    christyg

    Answer by christyg at 8:05 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • Since you have some doubts, but are thinking about adoption, there's several things to really think about. First of all, in a case like yours, you'd probably only want open adoption, with a family who's proven they honor open adoption. Only you know your limitations on how much you can or can't do. You have rights to meet the adoptive parents, see their home and more.

    We'd love to do a guardianship of 30 days at the children's birth. Perhaps this way, before consent forms were signed, you'd have an extended period of time after they're born to recover, and to know if you feel it's the right decision. I'd love to talk to you about the possibility, and no matter what you decide, please know my prayers are with you, and all 3 kids.
    sizesmith

    Answer by sizesmith at 11:30 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • I'm not going to say this to advocate for adoption at all, but just to be very honest - I adopted twins. I've had them since birth and truthfully, having twin infants was one of the most incredibly wonderful but difficult things I've ever done in my entire life. I have the support of my husband and our extended family and I'm also a sahm, but it was very difficult and I said many times that I don't know how these wonderful single moms do it. I love my children with all my heart, but let's just say that I'm glad my days of two babies are behind me. If you can find support to rely on and help you, by all means take it. My church sent a teenage girl out to watch them once a week for three months so I could sleep or clean the house. Twins are overwhelming as babies, but just know that that part doesn't last forever. Time flies by and it gets so much easier once their out of diapers. (con't below)
    MommyAddie

    Answer by MommyAddie at 3:44 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

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