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5 Bumps

Starting a marriage out with lies

Ladies, if he will lie over things that truly do not matter then DO NOT marry him. Example: gives girl ring, she says yes. Girl takes ring to be cleaned is told stone is loose but that their jeweler can not fix it or clean it. To ask where it was purchased and take there. girl tells fiance stone is loose, he throws a shit fit blaming her and saying how expensive this ring was etc. Girl feels bad but tells him she didnt do anything to it so he needs to chill.

 contacts a jeweler friend who says bring it in. ring is the cheapest plating you can get and the stone is fake. So, girl is really not mad that it is fake she could careless about the ring itself. She is mad tha the had the nerve to be hateful about it and told her it was expensive.

jewler says the ring was actually a QVC item that went for about 200.00, no receipt so now girl feels foolish for showing it to so many and now has no ring to wear because it cant be repaired. Guy says pick out what you want he will buy....a little to late to be buying a real one. girl still loves and will marry but we feel it will be a busted marriage before they even say i do :(

what you you say or do in this situation if it were your child? We have remained supportive but our hearts are not truly in it anymore. we realize not everyone can afford a wonderful engagement ring but he knows her well enough to know that she would have been happy with the smallest of them.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:50 PM on Jan. 18, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • I am worried about the anger.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 6:54 PM on Jan. 18, 2013

  • I'd say, "I love and support you no matter what but, I really don't think you should marry so & so. Because of him lying to you and trying to make you feel horrible over something that was not your fault".
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 6:55 PM on Jan. 18, 2013

  • If she were my daughter, I would be totally honest with her. We love you, and we only want what is best for you, but we are not sure this guy is the best. We are concerned that he lied to you about your engagement ring, where he got it, how much it cost. We are concerned that when you told him what the jeweler had told you that his response was to become angry. These are not good signs when we are talking about our daughter's life for the next 50 years.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:27 PM on Jan. 18, 2013

  • This situation isn't about the ring, it's about the dishonesty and from your later post I would say it's about the dysfunction of his drinking as well.


    If it were my child, I would tell her that I love her no matter what and that she always has a place to stay if she needs it. If she asked me if the lying bothered me I would be honest and tell her that it is a huge concern. Unfortunately, we all have to live and learn from our own mistakes.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 7:28 PM on Jan. 18, 2013

  • I agree with the others here. There are alot of red flags. Talk with her from the position of loving parent and leave the door open for her to come home. Be careful not to close the door so that she feels she has nowhere to turn.
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 7:47 PM on Jan. 18, 2013

  • I would keep be honest about the fact that you are concerned. You can't really do too much more than that or you'll end up pushing her away from you. Maybe she will figure it out eventually. GL
    tessiedawg

    Answer by tessiedawg at 7:21 PM on Jan. 18, 2013

  • I would say to her. Why did he have to lie about it. About the whole thing. If he will lie about that. What else will and is lieing about. I wopuld tell her think hard befor marrying him.
    I tell it like it is. No holds bar.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:22 PM on Jan. 18, 2013

  • If this is the first and only thing you are unhappy with him about, get over it. He probably was embarrassed that he couldn't afford more and wanted to give her something really nice but couldn't afford it. Yes, he shouldn't have gotten so upset about the stone being loose but to me it doesn't really sound like a reason to not get married IF everything else with the relationship is good.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 6:54 PM on Jan. 18, 2013

  • My daughrt is engaged to a man with mental health issues. There is not much we, as parents can do. Like the others have said, just let her know you love and support her, and will always be available if the need arises.
    musicmaker

    Answer by musicmaker at 9:19 PM on Jan. 18, 2013

  • I agree with Staci. I would be way more concerned by the fact that he blew up at her for "catching" him with a fake ring. Unfortunately, there is not much you can do but be there when it falls apart. One of the best pieces of advice I've ever gotten was from a pastor I used to work with. She said "You can't make their choices for them, you can only be there for them when they realize it for themselves". It is true. And it applies to so many life situations.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 9:32 PM on Jan. 18, 2013

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