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how do i tell my 7 yr old i dont know who his dad is. :-(

I had a fling when I got pregnant and only know his first name. I am a single mom and my son is know asking who his dad is..i do not wanna say the wrong thing and destroy this happy little boy..i am at a loss..i feel terrible not only for me but my heart breaks for him that I took the right away from him to know his father..please help me!!! thank u!!

Answer Question
 
karyn1979

Asked by karyn1979 at 12:28 AM on Jan. 19, 2013 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • If you don't mind stretching the truth, you could kind of treat it like a sperm donor situation, (because, in essence, that is what he was)and say that you had so much love in your heart, and you wanted him so much that you decided you needed him to be the perfect little man in your life, and you couldn't wait for the perfect partner to come into your life, so you decided to have him without a daddy. You could give him details of what the "sperm donor" was like if he asks. When he is much older, if you think he needs to know all the details you can tell him more.

    musicmaker

    Answer by musicmaker at 12:48 AM on Jan. 19, 2013

  • I think at 7, I would just tell him his dad's first name. I'd tell him he was a nice guy, that he didn't know you were pregnant, and you don't know where he is now, but that you know he would be very proud of his son if he knew him. I think he's too young to hear the entire truth right now, but hopefully that will satisfy him.

    Whatever you do don't lie, just give him enough of the truth to get by for now, and maybe talk to a counselor on how to handle it from there. Good luck mama. Big hugs.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 1:56 AM on Jan. 19, 2013

  • I'd be vague but truthful. Tell him his first name, tell him you don't know where he is now. As he gets older, you can get more into the details, if he wants them. If he asks why his father isn't around, I'd just tell him that when you found out you were pregnant, you weren't able to find him to tell him. It's not really a lie - you didn't have enough info to track him down.

    Whatever you do, don't do any big lying - don't claim his father died or anything like that.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:37 AM on Jan. 19, 2013

  • I agree with wendy and ohwrite, be vague. At that age, they can only process so much info anyway. When my son was about that age, he asked his father (my now ex) to tell him about him being born. My ex got all uncomfortable and tried telling the birds and the bees story. My son interrupted and said "I just wanted to know what hospital I was born at and who came to visit me." Of course, I was dying from laughter in the next room. My point is, at that age, ask the child what they really want to know before offering too much information.
    tempsingl3mom

    Answer by tempsingl3mom at 9:41 AM on Jan. 19, 2013

  • Yea I think at 7, that is to young for him to understand the real story. You might want to ask him some questions. "What do you want to know"
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:10 PM on Jan. 19, 2013

  • I always told my son that some kids don't have dads, and that's ok. That one day, I will meet someone who will want to be his dad, but for now it's just us, and that means I can love him double.

    SaraD1989

    Answer by SaraD1989 at 10:07 AM on Jan. 21, 2013

  • Yes ask him what he wants to know then give truthful answers. Like your dad was a nice person, he had the bluest eyes, he loved ice cream things like that that you may know about the guy. But keep it general and for heavens sake remember that the ears listening are not only 7 years old but vulnerable.
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 2:00 PM on Jan. 22, 2013

  • wait till he's older
    escuchar

    Answer by escuchar at 11:02 PM on Mar. 21, 2014

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