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How can I help my son still have a relationship with my ex when all the ex does is bad mouth me to the boy ?

My son is almost 21 and has tried a number of times to have a relationship with his dad (my ex), then will give up, then go back and try again. Only to have it always turn out the same way. I found out that the reason my son keeps quitting his dad is that when they are together ALL my ex does bad mouth me constantly. My son says it's almost like he is looking for some kind of validation.... which my son can't give him. Until now I've always told my son to keep the door open to having a relationship with his dad... but now I see that the ex is just putting this kid through hell whenever he goes around him. I know I SHOULD tell my son to continue to seek a relationship; but I don't think I WANT to. We've been divorced 5 years.... it's time this man let it go. I don't want to contact the ex either to tell him to stop, cuz when I do, it's just a bunch of he-said-she-said b.s. and it gets nowhere.. but worse. What can I do?

 
PaceMyself

Asked by PaceMyself at 5:10 PM on Feb. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Level 5 (75 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (3)
  • I agree with the pp's. You son is a legal adult now and can make his own decisions. I know you want to do the right thing, but it's out of your hands now. If he doesn't want a relationship with his father for whatever reason, there's really nothing you can do about it.

    Let your son be the man he is. He's really showing you a tremendous amount of respect by not wanting to hear anything negative about you...even if it comes from his father.
    rhope4

    Answer by rhope4 at 6:40 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • I would just say fuck him. Your son doesn't need him in his life anymore. Especially if your ex won't cooperate. Unless you try to talk to him yourself. You and your son confront him of how you don't like him disrespecting you when you are just trynna have civil reltionship for your son. Then if he doesn't agree then tell him to fuck off.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:22 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • there is no should. your son is a grownup and can decide who deserves his time and attention. sounds like he has it figured out. it really doesn't have anything to do with you at this point, so let him make his own decisions.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 5:54 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

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