Im having problems dealing with grief I feel guilty for living when my son died so did my mom and I signed her p.o.a so she could of maybe lived if I didn't sign it!I should of checked to make sure my dad was breathing before I went to bed sleeping aint that important!!!

Well my friend invited me on this site to see if I could achieve my goals and get answers and questions and talk to mom that are having the same problems as I am well I dont mean to get so typical well I felt like I was delt a shitty hand for some reason in life but Im tryin to make the best of it the Lord gave us a hand to show us how confident we can be in life and how much challenge we can do in life and I think we all need a little help or someones hand but anyways Im not tryin to say poor me cause it could be way worse well let me out by saying my name is Stacey Im 29 yrs old with 2 children one son in heaven and one daughter thats eight still here on earth she is my reason for living my dad passed away when I was 19 I found him dead on the couch he died from congestive heart failure worst thing to wake my mom up to tell her I couldnt wake up dad and that he passed away and he was cold and discolored I suffer from p.t.s.d post traumatic stress disorder my mom died Sept 15 2011 @ 10:58 p.m was her last breath I layed with her in hospice for three days in bed with her slept with her talked to her and told her all my dreams and all what was going on and told her she was my best friend and that nothing will never changed that we had so much fun times together and I wouldnt want it any other way then to have you as my mom the best mom I could ever have she atleast got to see my son be born Aug3rd I was induced on my due date so she could see him be born since she had to have brain surgery since she had 2 brain anuerysms she had surgery last yr but they didnt go away so she ended up having her other surgery 10 days after I had my gorgerous son well once my son passed away and I had more time to spend time with him due to my mom dying didnt know my son was dying also at the same time 58 days later... I ended up taking him to the hospital because the dr.kept telling me nothing was wrong with him because he was gaining wait and all so I ended up talking him into a hospital that only deals with children the worst day of my life it was a nightmare!!!! Sept30th 2011 15 days after my mom passed away I was told the worst news ever My son had Lissencephaley a very rare syndrome also known as smoothe braine syndrome so I did a lot of research while I was in the hospital for 2 weeks after they found out it was unbelieveable still is I cant believe I lost my son to Lissencephaley if I could have it my way I wish he could of gave it to me so he could live so I could die for him I cant explain how hard it is to loose my child after he was a lil older then one I prayed everyday my son would get better the lord would cure my son brain its so hard to live in breathe without him I feel so selfish of me Im suppose to die before my child and like I said If I could have it my way I would be watching over them then being here on earth so my daughter could have her brother and her brother could have a daughter and not get cheated out of life!!! I need to seek some kind of counceling so if u have any info on anyone that needs help on grieving I would like to know how you do it if Im doing it right or wrong? sorry for talking your ear off didnt mean to poor my guts out to you take care



always,

Macaroni and Hiccups Mommy!!!!

AKA

Stacey