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4 Bumps

What do I do? Please help.

My x husband and I have been divorced for a little over a year now. Our son was 2 when we split up an will be 4 this August. We have visitation where my x has him Sunday over night and Tuesday overnight. I have him the rest of the time. Everything was going good until Christmas. Christmas Day was the last day my son has gone happily and willingly to his dads. Now every time my x comes to pick him up, my son is hysterical. Runs and hides, screams for me, cries for me, tells my x to get away from him, and it has been so bad that several times I didn't have the heart to make him go. I have no reason to think my son is being abused or anything like that. When I ask my son why he doesn't want to go, I don't get much of anything as far as an answer.tonight my x just took my son anyways even though he was screaming and crying and reaching for me as he was being carried out the door. Because of our agreement I didn't think there was anything I could do. I was in years because it was so heartbreaking. My question is, legally what can I do about this? I'm concerned about the effect this is having psyco logically on my son and if making him go is the wrong thing to do. I feel like he was looking for me to help him tonight and I didn't, I made him go. I don't want him to lose trust in me.

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Ash9724

Asked by Ash9724 at 11:10 PM on Jan. 20, 2013 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 21 (11,107 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Get in with a counselor so he can find out what's going on. Take the findings to the court.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:13 PM on Jan. 20, 2013

  • I would continue to talk to your son about what is going on. He's four so it could be nothing more than he doesn't want to leave you. Find a time where you're both relaxed like watching a cartoon, coloring, taking a walk and ask him why he feels the way he does. Keep asking at different times if he doesn't give you an answer your fine with.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 11:13 PM on Jan. 20, 2013

  • I've never dealt with this so forgive me if I'm out of line or off topic at all..you stated that you don't suspect abuse. My only thought is "What triggered this reaction out of the blue?" Why is your son fine one day and scared of going to his dad's house the next? Have you questioned your ex about it? I'd be super concerned if this were my situation just because of the reaction your son had...
    fricky29

    Answer by fricky29 at 11:14 PM on Jan. 20, 2013

  • Screaming and crying are not grounds for him not t go. If you have a problem you must go back to court to have a change in visitation.
    If you were to think that there was some grounds for abuse that would be another matter, one that you would involve CPS.
    Have you spoken to your ex? Maybe the two of you can figure out what the cause of your child's fear is. What happened on Christmas that was out of the ordinary that might have caused him to get upset ofr fearful. Maybe you can work together to help him get over his fear.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:20 PM on Jan. 20, 2013

  • I should add my x refuses to speak to me at all about anything, including our son. He said us communicating is "getting him in trouble with his girlfriend." Which literally the only thing I ever speak to him About is our son. He says that I
    Saying bad things to our son about his dad that making him not want to go. He has not and will not take any responsibility for this and claims it is my fault which is completely in true.
    Ash9724

    Comment by Ash9724 (original poster) at 11:26 PM on Jan. 20, 2013

  • Untrue. Sorry I'm on a cell phone. And nothing that I know of happened on Christmas but my x wouldn't tell
    Me even if there was
    Ash9724

    Comment by Ash9724 (original poster) at 11:27 PM on Jan. 20, 2013

  • Yeah. If your exes girlfriend's wishes are coming before you and your son maybe you should reevaluate the custody arrangement. Is there a way to go back to court and explain that the arrangement no longer works? I really know nothing about the legal system...
    fricky29

    Answer by fricky29 at 11:40 PM on Jan. 20, 2013

  • You ex may decide it is better to speak to you about your son's well being at the risk of annoying his girlfriend if he faces going to court to possibly lose or adjust visitation. Let your ex know that is the route he is pushing you to follow if he can't grow up and co-parent properly.
    tessiedawg

    Answer by tessiedawg at 11:53 PM on Jan. 20, 2013

  • I'm wondering if a few sessions with a counselor or a play therapist might help make the situation more clear. If that's not an option because of cost or logistics, maybe try getting some dolls and playing out the situation with your son of going to his dad's house, see if he comes up with anything that he can't express in words. I'm also thinking, how recently has the girlfriend come into the picture? If your ex is acting so childish about letting the wishes of his girlfriend come between your communication about your son, maybe she's causing other problems. Could she be trying to take time away from your ex and your son together? Maybe trying to discipline your son when the dad should be handling it, or pushing him aside? If she's a new addition to the mix,I would have a suspicion that might be where you need to look or the problem.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:59 PM on Jan. 20, 2013

  • I agree with Dardenella and Ballad, is this a court arrangement or just an arrangement you and your ex have? When you have a child together its in the best interest of that child for mom and dad to communicate , he needs to man up to his gf about that! Her needs shouldn't come before your childs
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 12:25 AM on Jan. 21, 2013

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